This might be the lamest spam I’ve ever read

Become a minister now
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours! BE ORDAINED NOW! As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church! WEDDINGS MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND! Don’t settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES’ MAID Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony. FUNERALS A very hard time for you and your family Don’t settle for a minister you don’t know! Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony. BAPTISMS You can say “WELCOME TO THE WORLD! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!” What a special way to welcome a child of God. FORGIVENESS OF SINS The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries **Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better! VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need! Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH?? After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation! At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let’s talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I’d say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn’t you agree? However, it won’t cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it. Since I know how much you want to help others, you’re going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00… Not even $50.00… You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95. For only $29.95 you will receive: 1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate in color, with gold seal (Certificate professionally printed by an ink press) 2. Proof of Minister Certification in your name 3. Shipping is free

I feel kind of ripped off that I never said “WELCOME TO THE WORLD! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!” to any of my nieces or nephews.