Valedictorian at Christian High School Fails to Cite “The Purpose Driven Life”

From the Holy Observer:

BATTLE CREEK, MI ñ The graduation speech of 2004 Battle Creek Christian School Valedictorian Crystal Finn, delivered earlier this month, sent shockwaves through the audience, not for what she said, but for what she didn’t say. “We all loved and trusted Crystal, so we didn’t demand a copy of her speech like we’ve done with past valedictorians,” BCCC Principal Donald Roop told THO. “We saw that her title was ‘God’s Perfect Plan,’ so we put it in the program, and we figured we all knew what was coming. But we were wrong. And we don’t like surprises.”

More, including Willow Creek’s decision to shut down this summer, and a pastor’s wife who doesn’t replace toilet paper (“We’ve started calling her One-Ply Pine, because you’re lucky if she leaves you that much when she’s done”), in the latest edition of the Observer. Update: The Holy Observer is a satire site. 😉