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# Pastor, You Will Get Hurt
- URL: https://www.dashhouse.com/pastor-you-will-get-hurt/
- Published: 2026-10-06T05:00:14.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-06T05:00:14.000Z
- Description: Pastors may lose as many close relationships in one year as most people lose in a lifetime, and the hurts will pile up unless they learn to deal with them.
- Author: Darryl Dash
- Tags: pastoring

One of the hardest parts of being a pastor is the growing list of hurts you will experience.

Most pastors begin ministry with a lot of hope. They have dreams about what it will be like to pastor, the lives that will change, and the things they will see God do. But eventually, every pastor faces the hard parts of ministry: criticism, people who are disappointed, unmet expectations, broken relationships, and people leaving the church.

Brandon Cox, a pastor in northwest Arkansas, [observed](https://www.facebook.com/bcoxreads/posts/pfbid027mxKPzK8zrPhNW3vqhGMSFHfjb34APWJEMn92jSpKk9gbCBr4xmruPTrgzKmdhU9l) that pastors lose 5–7 significant relationships per year, compared with 5–7 over a lifetime for most people. I don’t think this observation is based on any scientific studies, but at least [one other pastor](https://joshuareich.org/2023/10/17/pastors-lose-5-7-relationships-a-year/?ref=dashhouse.com) writes, “That has 100% been my experience.”

Archibald Hart [observed](https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/1985/06/the-minister-and-anger?ref=dashhouse.com):

> The multiplicity of people they minister to invariably creates a multitude of hurts. The pastor is open to being criticized, offended, and hurt by every one. The more people a person is responsible for, the greater is the potential for hurt.

I am not saying that pastors have it harder than everyone else. In fact, [pastoring is a privilege](https://www.dashhouse.com/the-privilege-of-being-a-pastor/). But it comes with unique pressures, and being hurt is one of them.

How do we deal with the accumulation of pain?

## Expect it

I think many pastors could read 2 Corinthians and 2 Timothy more often to get a clearer picture of what ministry is really like. Do not have unrealistic expectations. You can be the best pastor, which you probably will not be, and you will still experience criticism and lose friendships. As a general rule, 10% of people won’t like anything you do. It will hurt. It happened to Paul, and it will happen to you as well. Expect it.

## Live in the Psalms

Many of us are not good at naming our emotions or knowing what to do with them. The Psalms give us language for bringing our hurts to God. John Calvin called the Psalms "an anatomy of all the parts of the soul." Every human emotion is represented in the Psalms, providing a God-given vocabulary for our inner experience. He said, “There's not an emotion of which anyone can be conscious that is not here represented as in a mirror."

I recently heard [Jason Kovacs](https://x.com/jasonkovacs?ref=dashhouse.com) say that he reads several Psalms every day and then finds a couple of verses he wants to meditate on. He journals about them and thinks about how they apply to his life and his soul. It is a good practice for anyone, and especially for pastors who need to learn how to manage the disappointment and hurt they will inevitably face.

Live in the Psalms. Mine them for truth, but also for ways to bring your anxiety, discouragement, and grief to God. The Psalms are a gift that will help us understand the full range of human emotions and handle them faithfully.

## Lead with others

One of the best ways I know to manage what is hard in ministry is to share it with others. If you do not have a plurality of elders serving with you, you do not know what you are missing. It is such a privilege to share these burdens and concerns with others who understand, and to support them as well.

## Forgive

In the end, we need to forgive. Forgiveness helps us fight bitterness. A refusal to forgive is a serious failure in our obedience. We must forgive.

One of the things that can hurt a pastor most, and cripple a pastor’s ministry most, is a refusal to forgive. It is going to happen. We are going to be disappointed. We are going to be hurt. The accumulation of these hurts will take a toll.

Pastor, you will get hurt. But you can’t let those hurts accumulate without dealing with them in a healthy way. For God’s sake, learn how to handle disappointment so you can cling to the Lord and fulfill your ministry.

Keep serving. Fight cynicism. Work at staying healthy. Ask God and others for help. Love others with genuine love and serve the Lord faithfully despite the many disappointments you will inevitably face.