> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.dashhouse.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Genuine Love (Romans 12:9-13) - URL: https://www.dashhouse.com/genuine-love-romans-129-13/ - Published: 2026-09-27T17:00:13.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-27T17:00:13.000Z - Description: Because of what God has done for us in Jesus, God calls us to a genuine, costly love for one another. - Author: Darryl Dash - Tags: Romans, Sermons, 2026 **Big Idea:** Because of what God has done for us in Jesus, God calls us to a genuine, costly love for one another. --- I thought we were done with the hard part of Romans. We’ve been through some of the deepest doctrine. We’ve dealt with some of the thorniest theological issues. But that’s not the hard part of Romans; the part we’re in now is the hard part. In Romans 1 to 11, it’s all about what God has done. In the first 11 chapters, there are exactly six commands in just two passages. Just six commands in 315 verses. Romans 1 to 11 isn’t about what we must do; it’s about what God has done for us in Jesus. But now all that changes. In Romans 12, Paul opens up the floodgates with a flood of imperatives and tells us how we must live in response to the gospel. The passage we’re looking at today is short, but it contains 13 different commands. Paul has shifted from telling us about what God has done, and he’s now telling us what we must do because of what God has done. So we’re going to get practical in this passage. But it’s hard because this just looks like a shopping list of commands. Not only that, but these commands are hard to obey. And yet what we have here in this passage is the very heart of Christianity. This is what it means to live the Christian life. ## The Foundational Principle In the original, verses 9-13 are one, long sentence with one overarching idea. First you get the main idea, and then you get what it looks like in real life. So here’s the main idea that Paul is going to unpack in the rest of the passage: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." This sets the agenda for the rest of the passage. This passage is about genuine love and also the love of goodness. In fact, verse 21 repeats the instruction to hate evil and hold fast to good. This is the controlling principle of this passage: God seeks people who will abhor evil and hold fast to what is good, and the way to do this is through genuine love. What does it mean that our love should be genuine? Paul is observing that we can *pretend* to love other people. In fact, everything that he is going to say in the next few verses is about avoiding pretend love. You can act as if you love others without really loving them, but it will be paper-thin, and it won’t result in the kind of community that reflects the gospel. There are two approaches to relationships in the church. One is to pretend that we care. It’s when we show up here and smile politely at each other and play the role of loving brothers and sisters. It can look like love on the surface with all the right words and gestures. It can look like surface-level niceness and politeness that costs nothing and keeps people at a safe distance. It’s acting in a way that doesn’t match what’s going on inside. That’s not what Paul is talking about. It’s impossible to love someone if you’re only pretending. Paul is calling us to the real thing: to genuine, costly, heart-level love for each other. It is, as John Owen writes, about being knit together by the strongest bonds of affection, delighting in and esteeming each other, and being ready to act to meet the temporal, spiritual, and eternal good of others. This is the “principal grace and duty that is required among, and expected from, the saints of God, especially as they are engaged in church fellowship.” I told you we are in the most challenging part of Romans. Sometimes we think it’s enough to show up in church and politely smile and greet others while we keep them at a distance. We’re pleasant. We’re polite. But we’re not really invested. That is not what biblical community looks like. Paul calls us to drop the mask, to move beyond surface politeness, and to love people from the heart. That is the foundational principle for the kind of relationship that is an appropriate response to the gospel. Jesus has loved you sincerely; now move beyond surface niceness to genuine, heartfelt, costly love. ## What This Looks Like Okay, Paul, what does genuine love look like within the church? Paul describes it in verses 10 to 13\. This is what genuine love looks like in three main categories. There’s a progression here. Begin with attitudes; move to disciplines; then finally work these out through some external actions. ### Attitudes > Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. (12:10-11) How do we love others genuinely? It begins by cultivating the right attitudes. In particular, Paul mentions three attitudes. #### Treat each other like family It means loving each other with genuine affection that mimics the love that family has for one another. Picture a loving, close-knit, mutually supportive family. Think about the kind of relationships that exist within the best earthly families. That’s how we’re meant to think of each other. This destroys the idea that we like each other without really loving each other. I love how John Piper [puts it](https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/love-one-another-with-brotherly-affection?ref=dashhouse.com). It means having: > …the comfortable at-homeness you feel with a favorite old sweater or a 13-year-old dog, or the chair you’ve sat in for decades, or a friend that you feel so easy with there’s not the slightest thought of self-consciousness about keeping the conversation going or worrying about times of silence. > …It’s the affection of a family that comes with long familiarity and deep bonds. Of course you can have squabbles and get mad, but let some bully pick on your brother, and the family affection shows a powerful side. Or let one of the family members get a life-threatening sickness or even die, and there will be a kind of tears that do not come for others. Treat your fellow believers like family. But that’s not all. It also looks like another attitude. #### Honor each other Ray Ortlund Jr. [calls](https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/ray-ortlund/showing-honor/?ref=dashhouse.com) this one of the most under-obeyed commands in Scripture. The Roman world was a shame-honor society. Gaining and keeping honor was everything. Your public reputation showed in every part of life. It decided who invited you to dinner, where you sat at the table, what job you had, and how others viewed you and your family. It decided everything about you and your family. It showed who worked with you, who looked out for you, who married into your family, who gave you chances, or who stayed away from you. To lose honor could mean losing access to relationships, resources, and even safety. Paul flips all of that upside down and tells them that, rather than competing for honor, believers are to compete to give honor to one another. It means that the only kind of competition we allow in the church is the competition to out-honor each other. You’re going to try to honor me? I’m not going to let that happen. I’m going to honor you even more. As Ortlund observes, this is the only place in Scripture where God tells us to become competitive with each other. Instead of competing for status, power, or criticism, we are called to a "happily competitive" race to see who can lift up and encourage others the most. Who doesn’t want that? There’s one more attitude Paul talks about. #### Do this with zeal Don’t do this reluctantly or half-heartedly. Really do it. “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.” Paul knows that people are hard to love this way. Our hearts are quick to get tired. It’s easy to get discouraged. And so he uses a word that is related to the idea of boiling. Don’t let your love get cold; don’t lose steam. Keep your love at a steady boil because you’re doing all of this for the Lord. What does genuine love look like? Real love in the church starts with a mindset that sees fellow believers as family. It works hard to honor them and serves the Lord with warm enthusiasm instead of being half-hearted. Are you cultivating this kind of genuine love for each other? This is how God has treated us; it’s the attitude that God is calling us to cultivate toward others in the church as well. Those are the attitudes Paul gives us. But he doesn’t stop there. Remember: attitudes, disciplines, and actions. Paul’s given us attitudes; now let’s look at the disciplines he gives us. ### Disciplines > Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (12:12) Paul knows that this kind of love won’t come easily, so he gives us three spiritual disciplines that will help sustain it. #### Rejoice in hope When Paul talks about hope, he’s usually talking about the blessed hope of glory we will have when we appear before the presence of God one day. When you look at your brothers and sisters, don’t see them as they are now; see them as who they will be then. View your brothers and sisters, as well as yourself and your current circumstances, in light of that day. #### Maintain patience during suffering Right now, it’s hard. It’s always been this way. How do we get through difficult times? Patience. Our suffering is temporary; our hope isn’t. It is hard to love in a world that is full of trials among people who are far from perfect. Endure. Be patient. Your trials will end. Faith, hope, and love will endure. #### Persist in prayer We can’t love like this on our own. We need to tap into a power that is greater than ours. Paul tells us to stubbornly endure in prayer. We won’t be able to do this without God’s help, so pray, and then pray all over again. The big picture: love genuinely. The attitude: treat fellow believers like family, treating them with honor and keeping your love at a boil. The disciplines: rejoice in what’s coming, stay patient in today’s suffering, and pray for God’s help. We’ve looked at attitudes and disciplines. Now we get to the actions. ### Actions > Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (12:13) You can’t jump right to the actions. You need the attitudes and disciplines first. They make the actions possible. But the whole purpose of the attitudes and disciplines is to get to the actions. So here are the two actions Paul calls us to take: generosity and hospitality. #### Be generous Paul talks about meeting each other’s needs when they face difficult circumstances. This includes financial help but goes much farther. If someone is mourning, mourn with them. If someone is lonely or abandoned, keep them company. #### Be hospitable One way to show generosity to others is to show hospitality. In Paul’s day, there were no hotels and restaurants. Traveling missionaries and ordinary believers relied on others opening up their homes to them. Paul says to pursue hospitality. Look for ways to open your home to others and meet their needs. Use your home to bless others inside and outside of the church. Let’s pull this all together. Here’s what Paul is telling us. **Because of what God has done for us in Jesus, God calls us to a genuine, costly love for each other.** It’s a love that’s cultivates zealous family love. It’s a love that competes to see who can out-honor the other. It’s a love that’s sustained by hope, patience, and prayer. And it’s a love that expresses itself in tangible generosity and hospitality. Friends, we have the gospel doctrine of Romans 1-11\. Paul is telling us that this isn’t enough. Our beliefs should lead us to a specific culture. This is shown by how we treat each other, how we pray for one another, and how we help each other and share our lives. It’s shown by a holy, never-ending competition to outdo each other in showing honor. As I think about all of this, I’m a little overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed by the challenge of living this way. I know I don’t have what it takes. I’m overwhelmed by what this could look like. I’ve tasted this kind of love in the church, and it’s an amazing thing. But I’m mostly overwhelmed that this is how Jesus loved us. Jesus did not pretend to love us; he loved us more sincerely than anyone ever will. He loved us sacrificially. He didn’t worry about his honor; he suffered the most shameful death possible. He made us his family. He has shown us extreme generosity and will welcome us in his home. And we get to be a church that reflects that love. Look around you. This is what God is calling us to be. It’s also who he is empowering us to be. And when you find a church that loves this way, there’s really nothing like it.