Get a Grip on Your Relationships

Big Idea: God calls us to love others like Christ, showing grace, reconciliation, and sacrificial love in our relationships.

Relationships are the graduate school of Christianity. Having extensive knowledge of theology and the Bible means little if your relationships are weak. Relationships are where the rubber hits the road. Look at the priority that Jesus puts on relationships.

Look at what Jesus said in Mark 12:

And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” And the scribe said to him, “You are right, Teacher. You have truly said that he is one, and there is no other besides him. And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And after that no one dared to ask him any more questions. (Mark 12:28-34)

The command to love others as we love ourselves is central to what God expects from us, yet many of us struggle to live this out.

I heard a story about a man who went to a pet store to buy some dog food. On the way in, he heard the parrot say, "Mister!" When he turned around, the parrot said, "You're the ugliest man I've ever seen!" The man was flabbergasted, but went anyway and paid for the dog food. On the way out of the store, he heard the parrot again cry, "Mister, you're the ugliest man I've ever seen!" This time the man was getting really angry. So he asked to speak to the manager and complained. The manager said, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it, and it will never happen again." He heard the manager take the parrot to the back, where he a commotion. The manager brought the parrot back and placed it on the perch. As the man was leaving the store, the parrot yelled, "Mister!" Really annoyed, the man turned around and looked at the parrot. And the parrot said, "You know."

This humorous story reflects how we often interact with others. We show polite smiles and surface-level respect, but deep down, our true feelings reveal themselves, silently communicating, "You know." True love, however, goes deeper.

The New Testament highlights 58 "one another" commands, including "love one another," "pray for one another," and "greet one another with a holy kiss." These commands challenge us to examine our relationships.

Three Truths About Relationships

Take a moment to write down the two most important relationships in your life. Now, write down the two most challenging or broken ones.

I want to look at a few points as we think of these four key relationships.

Your relationship with others directly affects your relationship with God.

We cannot maintain a healthy relationship with God while harboring broken relationships with others. A breakdown in love disrupts our connection with Him, no matter how much we might convince ourselves otherwise. Scripture makes it clear: we cannot ignore relational strife and expect to walk closely with God.

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. (James 3:7-10)

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20)

Our relationship with God is deeply connected to our relationships with others. Picture a father taking his two sons fishing. When the boys are angry, the boat's atmosphere becomes tense, making it difficult for their father to connect with them. The hostility in the air is worse than the smell of the worms and fish, and by mid-morning, the trip is cut short. Now imagine a different scene: the boys are getting along, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. The atmosphere is joyful, conversations flow naturally, and the fishing trip lasts until sunset. The difference is the quality of the relationships in the boat.

Jesus taught that His kingdom is like a family, with the Father at the center, where love and grace connect him with his children and each other. When love thrives, it creates a vibrant atmosphere that attracts others, who yearn to share in that sense of community. But when love breaks down, the atmosphere becomes toxic—whispers, accusations, and hostility take over, and even worship feels hollow. It’s hard to sing “They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love” when all you can picture is the face of someone you’re angry with.

Jesus’ story of the Good Samaritan reminds us that religious activity means little if we neglect love and mercy. The priest and Levite who passed by the injured man may have gone on to worship, but how genuine could their worship have been? If your relationship with God feels distant, consider the relationships in your life that are strained or broken. Those unresolved conflicts may be the very thing hindering your connection with the Father. Fix those relationships, and you’ll find the family system restored.

How you handle difficult relationships determines your emotional and ultimately your physical health.

I know a man who is carrying the same grudges that he did 20 years ago. And to hear him speak, he's as full of venom now over events that happened decades ago as he ever was. And it's killing him. The bitterness not only has affected his emotional health, but it takes its toll on the body.

A ruptured relationship is like a ruptured appendix. Once the break happens, toxins spread quickly, and resentment takes root almost immediately. A relationship that feels solid one day can unravel in less than 24 hours, leaving us saying things like, "I hate that person! They can never be trusted! I'll never speak to them again." Waiting even thirty minutes to address the issue can be too long.

Jesus says:

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. (Matthew 5:23-26)

Jesus even uses a legal example to make his point. He suggests that settling out of court is wiser when sued, as it is quicker, cheaper, and better overall. The key is urgency, don’t let it drag on.

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Don't let resentment take hold. Scripture warns that holding onto a grudge, even overnight, gives Satan a foothold—a dangerous opening in your soul. It can damage your witness, strain your relationship with God, and even affect your health.

The real danger in relationships is what Scripture calls hardness of heart. But notice what God calls us to do: reconcile. He doesn’t tell us to unload all our hurt on someone or to shame them with blame. He doesn’t tell us to sweep everything under the rug and fake a smile. Instead, he calls us to take the courageous step of seeking reconciliation.

Paul says in Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

Sadly, I know there are people I’ve offended. But Paul’s words in Romans 12:18 challenge me. Paul says to do everything in my power—making one more attempt—to reconcile. The truth is, we can’t thrive spiritually or emotionally while bitterness lingers in our hearts.

Stephen Covey, a man whose insights have shaped countless leaders, once said that all his teachings boil down to one simple principle: fix a broken relationship. It’s profound advice. Healing relationships isn’t just good for others—it’s essential for our own well-being.

Your relationship with others directly affects your relationship with God. How you handle difficult relationships determines your emotional and ultimately your physical health. There's one more Scriptural truth that I want us to see:

It's not how we treat the 99, it's how we treat the one.

Of course, I’m referring to the story Jesus told about the shepherd and the 99 sheep. One of the key takeaways is how the shepherd reacts to the one who strays, because any of the 99 could have been that sheep. You might succeed in 99 relationships, but what about the one that’s broken? That’s where grace is truly tested.

We all know people who are hard to love. Take Adolphus, for example. He was a young man who attended a Chicago inner-city church. Adolphus had a wild, angry look in his eye, and if he took his medication on Sunday, he was manageable. If not, church became... eventful. One week, he might high-hurdle over pews to the altar. Another, he’d raise his hands during a hymn and make obscene gestures. Or he’d wear headphones and bebop through the sermon.

The church had a "Prayers of the People" moment, allowing anyone to request prayers for peace, healing, or justice, with the congregation responding, "Lord, hear our prayer." Adolphus joined in enthusiastically.

One morning, he prayed, "Lord, thank you for creating Whitney Houston and her magnificent body!" After a pause, a few mumbled, "Lord, hear our prayer." Another time, he prayed, "Lord, thank you for the big recording contract I signed last week, and for all the good things happening to my band!" Though he was clearly making it up, the congregation still responded, "Lord, hear our prayer." But when he prayed that "the white honky pastors of this church would see their houses burn down this week," no one seconded that prayer.

Adolphus had already been kicked out of three churches. But this church decided to take him on as a special project. A group, including a doctor and a psychiatrist, worked with him. Every time he had an outburst, they’d pull him aside and talk it through, often using the word "inappropriate." They found out he sometimes walked five miles to church, so they started giving him rides instead of wanting him to stop coming.

One day, Adolphus asked to join the music group that played during Communion. They compromised: he could stand with the group and sing, but his electric guitar had to stay unplugged. He usually played quietly, but on weeks he missed his medication, he would burst into a wild Joe Cocker imitation on stage.

Eventually, Adolphus asked to join the church. The elders quizzed him on his beliefs, found little to encourage them, and placed him on probation. He could join once he understood what it means to follow Christ and learned to behave properly in the church.

Against all odds, Adolphus’ story has a happy ending. He calmed down, started calling church members when he felt overwhelmed, and even got married. On his third attempt, Adolphus was finally accepted into membership.

This story is a powerful reminder of grace. The true test isn’t how we treat the 99—it’s how we respond to the one who’s difficult, messy, or inconvenient. That’s where the heart of the gospel shines.

Jesus said in Matthew 25:

Then the King will say to those on his right, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me." Then the righteous will answer him, saying, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?" And the King will answer them, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."

What we do to the least, we're actually doing to God. When we refuse the least, we're really refusing Jesus.

Relationships are the proving ground of our faith. They reveal whether we truly understand and live out the gospel. Jesus made it clear: loving God and loving others are inseparable. You can’t claim to love God while harboring bitterness, resentment, or indifference toward others. The way we treat the people in our lives—especially the difficult ones—reflects the state of our hearts before God.

But here’s the good news: the gospel gives us both the reason and the power to love others. Jesus didn’t wait for us to clean up our act or become lovable. While we were still sinners—messy, broken, and rebellious—he loved us, pursued us, and gave his life for us. That’s the kind of love he calls us to show others. Not because they deserve it, but because we’ve been transformed by his grace.

So here’s the call to action: take the gospel into your relationships. Start with the two people you wrote down earlier—the ones who are most important to you and the ones who are most challenging. If there’s a broken relationship, take the first step toward reconciliation. If there’s someone who’s hard to love, ask God to help you see them through his eyes. And if you’re holding onto bitterness, release it at the foot of the cross, where Jesus forgave you.

Remember, this isn’t about trying harder or being nicer. It’s about abiding in Christ, letting his love flow through you, and trusting Him to do what you can’t. Loving others with the love you've received will deepen your relationship with God, soften your heart, and turn your life into a testament of the gospel's power.

Let’s not settle for surface-level faith. Let’s live out the gospel in our relationships, showing the world what it looks like to be loved by Jesus. And as we do, may we hear him say, “As you did it to one of the least of these, you did it to me.” That’s the kind of love that changes everything.