Godly Confrontation (1 Timothy 5:1-2)
- (1 Timothy 5:1) Do not rebuke an older man harshly,
but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers,
- (1 Timothy 5:2) older women as mothers, and younger
women as sisters, with absolute purity.
-
- the church is described in the New Testament using
quite a few metaphors
- it’s called a holy nation, a kingdom, a priesthood
- Jesus called it a vine
- Paul called the church a temple, built upon the solid
foundation of the apostles’ doctrine, with Jesus Christ as the
chief cornerstone
- it’s called a body, an assembly, and a flock
-
- but for many people, one of the favorite images of
the church is that of a family
- (Ephesians 2:19) Consequently, you are no longer foreigners
and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's
household,
- (Galatians 6:10) Therefore, as we have opportunity,
let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the
family of believers.
- what’s implied in calling the church a family?
- [discussion]
-
- one of the most neglected areas of church family life
is this very necessary thing called confrontation
- I’ve never yet seen a family in which confrontation
did not exist, and yet I’ve seen many churches where no confrontation
took place
- in the church, as in the family, disobedience must
be dealt with
- that’s a mark not of harshness, but of true love
- it’s loving someone enough that you want God’s
best for them
- and a healthy church is one in which godly confrontation
takes place
-
- since I’ve been at Richview, I’ve mentioned
this subject of confrontation a few times
- and I’ve had feedback as well – not all of
it very positive!
- there are a couple of reasons for this
- the first is that nobody likes confrontation
- if you like confrontation, you’ve got something
wrong with you
- there’s not a person in this room who likes to
go to another person to confront them
- and the reality, as well, is that nobody likes to be
confronted
-
- whenever I go into a Christian bookstore, I’m
amazed by the number of new Bibles
- have you heard of the Confronter’s Bible?
- Take heart, timid Christian. Next time you’re
persuaded to confront a backslider but don’t know where to begin,
help is available. Thanks to the new Confronter’s Bible
you need no longer hem and haw with cryptic references, subtle hints,
or suggestive innuendoes about the error of his ways.
- Like the Eschatology Bible, with all the rapture
verses shaded in premillennial purple, and the Social Justice Bible,
with all references that produce guilt accented in oppressive orange,
the Confronter’s Bible contains a color-coordinated system
highlighting verses on relevant themes: rebuking (passion pink), sins
to be avoided (stop-sign red), straying from the straight and narrow
(off-white).
- In the event that the rebukee does not respond to your
"speaking the truth in love," try any of these suggested alternatives:
pull his hair (Nehemiah 13:25), set his fields on fire (Judges 15:5),
call out the she-bears (2 Kings 2:24).
- What more can be said about the Confronter’s Bible,
except: Backsliders beware!
-
- tonight we’re going to talk about confrontation
- AND THE FIRST POINT I’D LIKE TO MAKE IS THIS:
CONFRONTATION IS DIFFICULT
- and the more insecure you are, the more difficult it
can be
- I’ve known people who find confrontation so difficult
that they’d much rather let a situation drag on and on than confront
-
- why is it so difficult to confront?
- six reasons:
- a) a fear of being disliked
- b) a fear of making things worse
- c) a fear of rejection
- d) Pharisaism – a fear of being legalistic, or
of thinking you can’t confront because you don’t have your
act together
- e) the fact that we’re not used to sharing problems,
and
- f) we don’t know how to confront
-
- I’ve known of situations in churches in which
I’ve almost pulled out my hair and asked, "Doesn’t anyone
have the nerve to confront that situation?"
-
- SECOND POINT: CONFRONTATION IS SOMETIMES NECESSARY
- not always, and maybe not even often, but confrontation
is sometimes necessary
- when Paul wrote this letter, Timothy was facing the
following problems:
- some in the church had abandoned truth and godliness
(1:5-6; 2:8)
- others had shipwrecked their faith (1:19)
- there was conflict in the church over the role of gender
(2:9-15)
- some of the members aspiring to leadership were not
qualified (3:1-13; 5:19-22)
- others were teaching false doctrines (4:1-5; 6:3-5)
- some older widows were living impure lives (5:6-7),
as were some of the younger ones (5:1-13)
- question: was confrontation necessary in the church
at Ephesus?
-
- [questions for discussion]
- when is confrontation necessary in the church?
- why doesn’t confrontation take place?
-
- part of a leader’s role in the church is to confront
sin
- Matthew 18:15-18 spells out in detail how to confront
sin
- in this passage, Paul gives an overarching guideline
in confrontation, and then he applies it to four groups within the church
-
- but first let’s look at the overarching guideline
- (1 Timothy 5:1) Do not rebuke…but exhort…
- and here we have two words with a very strong difference
- the first word, rebuke, literally means "to
strike at"
- it’s a harsh term
- it’s closest parallel in the New Testament is
in 1 Timothy 3:3, which says that elders are not to be given to physical
violence
- here I think Paul is using the word to describe verbal
violence
- when confronting, don’t hammer with harsh words
-
- instead, appeal or exhort
- the word is much gentler
- it can mean "to encourage, admonish, entreat,
or appeal"
- the idea is appealing with the goal of strengthening
the other person
- it comes from the same word that’s used to describe
the Holy Spirit as parkaklete – one who comes alongside
- (Galatians 6:1) Brothers, if someone is caught in a
sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself,
or you also may be tempted.
- (Galatians 6:2) Carry each other's burdens, and in
this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
-
- confrontation within the church is not to be done,
therefore, by violently attacking each other
- rather, sin must be lovingly confronted, and people
strengthened and encouraged toward holy living
- the goal is, as one person says, "restorative,
redemptive, remedial confrontation…done with an attitude of gentleness"
- (2 Timothy 2:24) And the Lord's servant must not quarrel;
instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
- (2 Timothy 2:25) Those who oppose him he must gently
instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them
to a knowledge of the truth,
- (2 Timothy 2:26) and that they will come to their senses
and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to
do his will.
-
- Eugene Habecker writes, "As Christians, we confront
not to embarrass, belittle, tear down, or humiliate. We confront because
of our commitment to help others reach their potential, including full-fledged
stature in Christ. Paul had to say some difficult things to the readers
of his letters, but it was because of his unwavering bottom-line commitment
to people."
-
- let’s apply this to four groups of people
- isn’t it likely that the church is sometimes going
to experience tension that is age and gender related?
- how is one person ever going to cross the age and gender
barriers from time to time to minister effectively?
- let’s look at each of the four groups quickly
-
- FIRST, OLDER MEN
- (1 Timothy 5:1) Do not rebuke an older man harshly,
but exhort him as if he were your father.
- as Timothy deals with sinning older men, he is to treat
them with the same respect and deference that he would show his own
father
-
- our society has lost something, and that is respect
for those who are older
- (Leviticus 19:32) "'Rise in the presence of the
aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD.
- (Proverbs 20:29) The glory of young men is their strength,
gray hair the splendor of the old.
- that doesn’t mean that confrontation of those
who are older will never be necessary, but it does mean that such confrontation
must take place with the greatest of respect
-
- how do you show them this respect?
- a few things – you can help me think of some as
well
- don’t save up an entire list and dump it on them
one day
- don’t ambush them
- check your attitude – make sure that you’re
not approaching them with anger, but rather love
- spend time thinking about how to talk to them
- Abraham Lincoln said, "When I’m getting ready
to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say – and two-thirds thinking about him
and what he is going to say"
- be honest – describe the problem openly
- tell them the effect of the situation – the damage
that it is causing
- tell them why it is important to you, and if at all
possible, affirm the person
- let them communicate back to you
- anyone else?
-
- SECOND, YOUNGER MEN
- (1 Timothy 5:1) Treat younger men as brothers,
- the key words here are "as brothers"
- this means that there is to be no air of superiority
- there is no hierarchy between brothers
- show humility and love to a younger person when you
rebuke them; don’t look down on them at all
-
- can you see how following Paul’s instructions
confers tremendous respect on the person being confronted?
- about fifteen years ago, a man I know confronted a
younger person with these words, "I’ve brought the Sword of
the Lord [holding up his Bible] and tonight I’m going to slay you
with it"
- how much better to treat those who are younger as our
peers – not to lean on our authority, but to stress our common
bond in Christ
-
- then we reach the gender line
- THIRD, OLDER WOMEN
- (1 Timothy 5:2) older women as mothers…
- two women were harming the cause of Christ in Philippi
- Paul, the apostle, had the authority to sternly rebuke
them
- what did he do?
- with all the grace and gentleness he could muster,
he wrote:
- (Philippians 4:1) Therefore, my brothers, you whom
I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand
firm in the Lord, dear friends!
- (Philippians 4:2) I plead with Euodia and I plead with
Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord.
- (Philippians 4:3) Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow,
help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel,
along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are
in the book of life.
- yes, he rebuked them, but at the same time he included
them beside the list of people he loved
- he noted their service to him
- and when a younger man has to rebuke an older women,
treat her with the respect you would offer your own mother
-
- THE LAST GROUP, AND POTENTIALLY THE MOST DANGEROUS
FOR TIMOTHY, IS THE YOUNGER WOMEN
- (1 Timothy 5:2) …and younger women as sisters,
with absolute purity.
- "Nothing so easily makes or breaks a young pastor
as his conduct with women. Thoughtlessness or indiscretion, as well
as outright immorality, violate his calling to lead the flock with purity."
(John MacArthur)
- when Paul says that younger women are to be treated
as sisters, with absolute purity, he is stressing that Timothy is to
be indifferent to them in terms of lust
- sexual sin within the church is nothing less than spiritual
incest
- great care must be taken in meeting with younger women
-
- let’s summarize
- godly leaders will have to confront sin in the church
– there’s no doubt about that
- in fact, if you’re not up to confronting sin,
you shouldn’t be a leader of the church – it’s as easy
as that
- but confrontation is never easy
- done properly, it involves prayer, introspection, a
dependence upon God, as well as humility, love, and gentleness
- if you confront someone older, you owe them the same
respect you would give a parent
- if you confront someone younger, it’s wrong to
look down on them – treat them as a peer
- if you confront someone of the opposite sex, protect
yourself against impurity in your mind and in reality
- don’t lean on your authority, but treat the other
person as a fellow member of God’s family – as a brother or
a sister, a father and a mother
- and pray that the confrontation, done in a God-honoring
way, will lead to restoration
