Where Forgiveness Begins

over the next three weeks, we're going to talk about an area of struggle that affects every single person in this room

it's the area of forgiveness

at sometime during the past week, it's likely that someone has offended you, and you haven't yet forgiven them

many of us are carrying around resentment and bitterness over past actions, and we have been carrying them around like heavy weights for years

why talk about forgiveness?

we need to talk about forgiveness because our spiritual health depends on it

you will never grow spiritually or enjoy God's blessing on your life as long as you carry resentment and refuse to forgive other people

Hebrews 12:15 says:

(Hebrews 12:15 NLT) Look after each other so that none of you will miss out on the special favor of God. Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison.

bitterness is like a small root that grows into a giant tree, and whenever we allow bitterness or resentment to grow in our hearts, it chokes and overshadows even the deepest of relationships

bitterness brings jealousy, dissension, and immorality

Scripture teaches that we are obligated to forgive others, and when we don't, the consequences are severe

in Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus said:

(Matthew 6:14 NLT) If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

(Matthew 6:15 NLT) But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

your spiritual health depends on you forgiving others

if you refuse to obey God in this area, God plainly says that he will not forgive you

we also need to talk about forgiveness because we do not naturally know how to forgive

it's likely that you have learned more on the subject of forgiveness from negative role models than from the Word of God

in today's society, vengeance is evidence of macho strength

Dirty Harry takes aim at the perp, and challenging him to flee, says, "Go ahead. Make my day"

we're familiar with road rage, disgruntled employee rampages, drive-by shootings, and even high school shootings

people all around us are wracked with guilt, anger, and depression

we also need to talk about forgiveness because forgiveness is the clear command of Scripture

(Ephesians 4:31 NLT) Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior.

(Ephesians 4:32 NLT) Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

for a Christian to be willfully unforgiving is unthinkable

we have no options in the issue

refusing to forgive is a serious sin - as serious as the sins of fornication or drunkenness

disobedience is not an option

the final reason I want to talk about forgiveness is simple: forgiveness is tough

let's be brutally honest this morning

it's much easier to nurse a grudge and refuse to forgive, when wronged, than to offer the gift of forgiveness

once, in Luke 17:3, Jesus told his followers, "Even if [a believer] wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him"

I love the reaction of the disciples; it would have been my reaction

when Jesus said this, they turned to him and said, "We need more faith. Tell us how to get it."

they realized that to practice the radical type of forgiveness commanded in Scripture, you need help

this morning we're going to look at where forgiveness begins

next week I'll give you some clear guidelines on what to do when you need to forgive

and then, two weeks from now, we'll look at the rewards of forgiveness

why don't we pray as we begin?

Father,

you know our hearts

you know that many of us have carried around unforgiving hearts for as long as we can remember

it's so easy for a spirit of bitterness to grow within us

forgiveness doesn't come easily to me

I pray that in these coming weeks, we would experience a breakthrough

I pray that hearts that are know held hostage by bitterness and anger - some of it there for good cause - I pray that these hearts might be loosed to experience the incredible freedom and power that comes from forgiving as Jesus commanded

I pray in Christ's name,

Amen.

please open your Bibles to Matthew 18 this morning

when confronted with the need to forgive someone, what are you to do?

when the offense is a serious one, or if the individual is repeatedly apologizing and you just don't want to forgive them any longer, what should you do?

in this passage, Jesus gives us three secrets that form the basis for forgiveness

at the time that Jesus was speaking, the religious leaders had developed some interesting views about forgiveness

they believed that individuals were justified in seeking personal revenge for all wrongs against them

for them, forgiveness was optional

they understood that the Old Testament taught the value and importance of forgiveness, so they came up with a rule of thumb

they said, based on the Old Testament, that a person could only be forgiven up to three times for the same offense

and so Peter the apostle came up to Jesus one day and said,

(Matthew 18:21 NLT) Lord, how often should I forgiven someone who sins against me? Seven times?

Peter took the best thinking of that day, and for good measure doubled it and rounded it up to a perfect 7, possibly thinking that Jesus would commend him for his generosity

"Peter, way to go! You're being twice as generous as you need to be. That's more than enough"

but listen to how Jesus replied

(Matthew 18:22 NLT) "No!" Jesus replied, "seventy times seven"

I don't know if you've ever thought about Jesus' response, but it appears to be an absurdly unrealistic standard

when somebody does the same thing over and over again, I'll be honest - I have a hard enough time forgiving them seven times

my tendency is to write them off, and possibly to write them out of my life

at some point, they cross the line

to forgive them for continuing to mess up again and again makes me appear to be indulgent and gullible

there comes a point where enough is enough

and this leads us to the first secret of forgiveness

SECRET NUMBER ONE: TRUE FORGIVENESS GOES BEYOND ANY REASONABLE HUMAN LIMITS

the first secret we need to understand is how Jesus completely destroyed any reasonable standards that might exist when it comes to forgiving other people

Jesus said, "Forgive any offenses up to and including offense number 490"

in another passage, Jesus said, "Even if someone wrongs you seven times in one day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him"

when Jesus said to forgive up until the tally reaches 490, he is making an important point

stop keeping score

no one could possibly keep count of such a high number of offenses

don't even try

shatter any type of limits you or other people might place on forgiveness

on Monday, December 1, 1997, a dozen students gathered to pray - as they did every morning - outside the administration office of Heath High School in Paducah, Kentucky

as the students finished praying, a fourteen-year-old freshman walked up to the group with a .22 caliber pistol and began firing into the prayer circle, one student at a time

when the shooting was over, three students were dead and five others were seriously wounded

the students had done nothing to provoke the shooting

some of the students in the circle had even befriended the shooter prior to the shooting

the secular media was at a loss to explain what happened

a fifteen-year-old girl, Melissa Jenkins, lay in her hospital bed a week after the shootings, fully aware that the damage to her spinal cord was so severe that she would be a paraplegic for the rest of her life

she sent this message to the boy who had deliberately shot her: "Tell him I forgive him"

Melissa Jenkins forgave beyond any reasonable human limit

the religious leaders of Jesus' day made sense to me

I can understand forgiving others - up to a point

but Jesus said, "Shatter any preconceived notions about forgiveness. I'm calling you to a much higher standard than you could ever call reasonable"

I want to pause right here and ask you what standard of forgiveness you're following

I'm going to ask you to evaluate yourself

what standard of forgiveness are you following in your life?

are you refusing to forgive at all?

are you forgiving according to what you think is reasonable?

or are you shattering every human standard of forgiveness and forgiving others recklessly and lavishly?

whatever standards you have right now for forgiving others, forget them

get rid of them

Jesus calls you to a much higher standard in forgiving others than any standard you might have right now

I know some of you have a problem with what I've said so far

Jesus knew that his disciples would struggle with such a high standard

so he told a story

the story involved a king, a servant deeply in debt to the king, and another slave who owed the first servant a smaller debt

the king decided to collect all money due to him one day

and so he called in his servant - probably an individual who collected taxes on his behalf - and said, "Where's my money?"

it was time to bring the tax money that he had collected to the king

there was one problem

the servant had taken the king's money and had embezzled it

it seems that he had used it all for himself, through theft, embezzlement, or dereliction of duty

there was no way to repay what the servant owed to the king

no problem, right?

I mean, we're not talking a lot of money, are we?

Jesus mentions the figure of ten thousand talents

that means nothing to us now, so let me tell you how much money that was

a talent was the largest measure of money in the Roman world

one talent was worth 6,000 denarii, and a denarius was considered a fair wage for one day's work

one talent was therefore about seventeen year's wages

and ten thousand talents was equivalent to 17 year's wages for 10,000 men

to put it in perspective, the total revenue collected by the Romans from the entire land of Palestine averaged 900 talents

all the gold in Solomon's temple - world famous for its riches - only amounted to 8,000 talents

this man was broke to the tune of 10,000 talents

in today's terms, we're talking about an amount equivalent to almost six billion dollars

this leads us to the second secret to forgiveness

SECRET NUMBER TWO: UNDERSTAND HOW LAVISHLY YOU HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN

you see, the servant represents you and me, and the king represents God

when Jesus talks about an individual owing almost six billion dollars, he's talking about the extent to which God forgave us

as we realize how completely God has forgiven all of our sins, it ought to produce an attitude of forgiveness toward others people

when we don't forgive others, we are acting against what Jesus Christ did for us

that's where forgiveness begins, friends

forgiveness begins by understanding that you yourself have been forgiven

you are on the receiving end of God's unlimited mercy

before you believed, your predicament was as bleak as could be

it might as well have been a six billion dollar debt that you owed

there was no way you were going to pay it

the Bible is clear about your situation: you were "children of wrath," his enemies

you were spiritually dead, enslaved to your sin

and yet you were accountable to a holy God whose justice must be satisfied

and yet God chose to display his unlimited patience toward you

despite the fact that you were his enemy, with not an ounce of interest in loving God or pleasing him, God chose to forgive you

(2 Corinthians 5:21 NLT) For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.

God made the sinless Christ to be sin on our behalf - he became our substitute - so that we might be forgiven

the servant perfectly symbolizes the lost sinner, saddled with an impossible debt - the overwhelming burden of the guilt that comes from sin

and what happens?

(Matthew 18:25 NLT) He couldn't pay, so the king ordered that he, his wife, his children, and everything that he had be sold to pay the debt.

(Matthew 18:26 NLT) But the man fell down before the king and begged him, "Oh, sir, be patient with me, and I will pay it all."

fat chance - how is the man ever going to pay back such a monstrous debt?

(Matthew 18:27 NLT) Then the king was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

the king in this passage was extravagantly generous

he forgave the debt completely, even though it arose out of embezzlement or extreme carelessness

he didn't even punish the man

he simply and compassionately forgave him

this picture of forgiveness makes no human sense

and yet it's exactly how God has forgiven us

think of how much God has had to forgive in your life

think this morning of how we have to go running back to him again and again for forgiveness

the secret to forgiveness, I believe - the key to understanding where forgiveness begins - is to understand how much you have been forgiven

let me ask you a question

I'm asking you to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how badly you have wronged God

you might not have been a drug dealer or a thief, but how much do you think God has had to forgive in your life?

and then think of an example in your own life in which you need to forgive someone else

rate that from 1 to 10 - the extent to which this other person has wronged you

I'll guarantee you that God has forgiven you much more than you'll ever have to forgive anyone else

that's the secret to forgiveness - understanding how much you have been forgiven

far beyond any reasonable human limit

but what happened in this story?

unbelievably, the forgiven slave acted in the most unforgiving way possible to those who owed him money

(Matthew 18:28) "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

(Matthew 18:29) "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

(Matthew 18:30) "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

we're talking here about 100 days' wages

this man owed 0.0002% of the debt that the first slave had owed

still a significant amount of money - almost $10,000 - but nothing compared to six billion dollars

but the man who had been forgiven so lavishly showed no mercy

instead, he threw the man in prison until the debt could be paid in full

why would he do this?

after having been forgiven a six billion dollar debt, why was he so merciless with a $10,000 debt?

the wording Jesus used seems to indicate that he went out immediately after being forgiven, and the first thing he did was to find this other servant who owed him money

unbelievable arrogance

incomprehensible gracelessness

this man was free only because of an incomprehensible act of mercy that had been shown to him

who did he think he was to deny someone else even a fraction of that mercy?

well, the other servants recoiled and complained to the king

the king reacted angrily and threw the man in prison after all, saying, "Shouldn't you treat other people the way that I treated you?"

and Jesus concluded with the words, "That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart."

SECRET NUMBER THREE: FORGIVE OTHERS JUST AS LAVISHLY AND COMPLETELY AS GOD HAS FORGIVEN YOU

after being forgiven so completely and so lavishly by God, you and I have an obligation to forgiven other people for their relatively puny debts, in the same lavish and complete way that God has forgiven us

Jesus said in Matthew 6:14:

(Matthew 6:14 NLT) If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

(Matthew 6:15 NLT) But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

if you want to be forgiven by God - to have your sins removed from you as far as the east is from the west - than you have an obligation to forgive other people

if you want to experience God's discipline in your life - the severest type of discipline you can imagine - than refuse to forgive in the same way that you've been forgiven

but make no mistake about it

James 2:13 says, "Judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy"

you'll notice that Jesus said in Matthew 18:35, at the end of the parable:

(Matthew 18:35 NLT) That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart.

that's the key: forgiveness can't be pretended or grudging

it means ending bitterness, getting rid of anger, and refusing to dwell on the offense once it's forgiven

it means refusing to bring it up to yourself, the other individual, or anyone else, from that time forward

it means, as much as is possible, to forgive as God forgives - to remember the sin no more

that's what we as believers are called to do

I come from a family in which my parents split up over 25 years ago

there was physical abuse within my family

in my extended family and in my friendships, I know people who have endured sexual abuse - some as one-time events, others for years

I count among my friends those who have been cheated on my spouses, and who have been subject to the most abusive words and relationships possible

four years ago, a man within the church stood nose to nose with me and yelled his head off

those who were with me thought they were going to have to pull him off me

Jesus said:

(Matthew 6:14 NLT) If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

(Matthew 6:15 NLT) But if you refuse to forgive others [the one who sexually abused you, the spouse who cheated on you, the parents who withheld love from you, the friend who has wounded your heart...], your Father will not forgive your sins.

Oh Father

there are so many of us within this room who have been deeply hurt

some of us have been carrying around grudges from bitterness and hurt for years

I don't pretend to know what many of these people have gone through

I can't begin to imagine the scars that are there - the damage that has been done that will never go away

but this I know

you have forgiven us, and you call us to forgive others as lavishly and completely as we have been forgiven

and I know that there's an incredible amount of freedom and power that comes from forgiving others, no matter how serious their offenses might have been

Lord, next week we'll look at how to forgive

but this morning we want to repent

we want to apologize for accepting your forgiveness, and yet continuing to hold grudges against other people

I know that in the next two weeks you want to work to bring healing to many of our hearts

and I pray that it would begin this morning as we repent for having unforgiving hearts

in Jesus' name

Amen.

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Where Forgiveness Begins (Matthew 18:21-35)