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June 30, 2003

Who Reads Darryl's blog

Sorry about the double entry.
Most of us who blog aren't technical wizards. :^)

I've wondered who reads Darryl's blog?
His church members, other bloggers, school mates, family, random others?

Probably all of the above. And I wonder how many of you have considered blogging?
It is an interesting and rather addictive hobby. It is amazingly interactive. And with all the ways you can blog on different platforms now, it isn't hard and it isn't expensive. I started over a year ago with absolutely no skills. Anyone can try. And who ever does, finds out quickly why they are at it. It is quite a growth experience.

It is community; people-oriented. And within blogging all the messiness of relationship comes out, and there in lies the challenge. It even affects some of the founders of blogging. People like Dave Winer, who built an amazing blog platform and who has been at this longer than most people. He has helped thousands and thousands of people into this medium.
It isn't the technology that has discouraged him.

June 29, 2003

A Search and Rescue Mission?

The thing I love about Jesus (one of many) is his singlemindedness. He could have spend more time than he did in theological debates. He could have taken advantage of the huge crowds that followed him and made a fortune. He could have flaunted his deity. But He did none of these. Instead he focused on his objective, to seek and save the lost. He never wavered from it.

As a pastor, I'm a little ashamed to admit that the church, at least my church, has somehow come to believe that Jesus came for OUR benefit, and so church focuses on US; our needs ands wants, keeping US fat and happy. I've been reading Luke 15 again, and rediscovering that God really values people. His number one priority is, and always has been, restoring mankind's broken relationship with Him. It should be mine too.

This is a rather hopefully rediscovery for me!

Brian

June 28, 2003

Holiday Weekends

Hi Brian, I'm Bene, the other half of the DashHouse blog sitting team.

I just checked the weather for the Sturgeon Falls area. It's a bit on the cool side at night...comfortable for sleeping at around 10C, and there will be a shower, then four days of great weather. Stress busting.

I promised I'd be on my best behaviour while I posted here, and was thinking about stress. Darryl's only admonition was..."have fun." LivingRoom is a blog from Australia I read daily and he linked to fun flash game called copter to tackle in spare moments when you are stuck in front of the computer. Ian McKenzie, a Canadian blogger, has a neat little one called SF cave you can play on the PC or hand held.

One of the daily stresses in my life is being patient with er, difficult people (including myself:^). So in the spare moments I can act like a kid, I shoot smiley faces.

June 27, 2003

Why We Need Vacations

I had two "bombs" dropped on me this week. Our church's Administrative Assistant, Marla, announced she was moving back to London because of her husbands job (she was also our pianist for Saturday Night Life). And our worship leader for the aforementioned service informed me that he has bought a house in Barrie, so will likely withdraw from the team at the end of summer.

During my tenure in NJ, I would often visit New York City. In front of the RCA building there is a statue of Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. His muscles seem to ripple under the strain. Across Fifth Avenue, at St.Peters Cathedral there is a small statue of the boy Jesus, eight or nine years old, holding the world in the palm of his small hand. No stress. No problemo.

Two ways of looking at life. I choose to let Jesus carry me and my world. He is more than capable.

Rest Easy, Darryl.

Brian

June 26, 2003

Blogsitters

We're heading to Sturgeon Bay tomorrow for a two-week break. We have the best site on the campground - we scouted it out last year. It's right on the water, with a scenic view, and is just minutes from the beach. I'm so ready for the break.

The past couple weeks have been rough. Yesterday, we were debating whether or not we should go away with what's happening with Charlene's Dad. We're just a cell phone call and a couple hours away, though. We'll see what happens.

Last year I occasionally used my cell phone to check e-mail while I was away. It's an addiction, I can't help it. Of course, I got stressed out. That's why Darren's post today is such a timely one for me. So, for the next two weeks, no e-mail, no blog posts, nothing computer or church-related for me. The only deep thoughts I'll be thinking are these ones.

In the meantime, two of my friends have agreed to blogsit in my absence. You probably already know Bene, a fellow Canadian and a class-act in the blogging world. Another friend, a schoolmate and a pastor-friend, Brian Mullins, will also be posting. I'm a little bit more worried about Brian, because he knows more about me that could be damaging.

Have fun. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

History paper done

I still don't really care about the long term vs. immediate causes of World War I. Not too much anyway. I thought of the C.S. Lewis quote, "We all appear as dunces when feigning an interest in things we care nothing about." Hope I didn't appear too much of a dunce to get a passing grade. One paper, one exam to go.

June 25, 2003

No respect

I just phoned Amex to ask a question about my account. While on the phone, I learned that I qualify for a one-time special offer for an American Express Platinum Card with guaranteed approval. I just have to tell all of you who have one of these cards, if they're letting people like me in, your card's not worth as much as you think. (I declined the offer - a $399 annual fee is a bit much for me.)

TOP STORY: Bibleman invited to join Superfriends

METROPOLIS - Evangelical superhero Bibleman was recently invited to join the world's most elite corps of do-gooders, the Superfriends.

"We feel like he's matured to the point of really making a contribution in our fight against crime," said Aquaman, Bibleman's main sponsor.

Bibleman was added to the crew by a vote of 44-29, but only after a last-minute push by opponents who don't want the group to expand. Wonder Woman and the famously ill-tempered Batman tried to cut a backroom deal that would have made Bibleman only an affiliate -- equivalent to a deputized sheriff who could be called upon in dire emergencies. They swayed several stalwarts, including Green Lantern and Captain America, but personal lobbying by Superman, widely viewed as the group's senior member, and key support from the Wonder Twins tipped the scales.

More

June 24, 2003

Big history paper

Big history paper due tomorrow. The good news is that it's my second last university paper ever (next stop: Doctor of Ministry). The bad news that it's a topic I don't really care about (long term vs. short term causes of World War I) and I seem to have an anal marker. I've taken tons of courses and this is the first one in which standard margin sizes have become an issue. I'll be glad when it's done.

Training Day

humberpark.jpg

I live about a ten-minute jog away from where the Humber River meets Lake Ontario. It's beautiful there, yet I hardly ever go. That's going to change.

I began training for the big 10k run today. Yes, I decided to enter. It's my 36th birthday the day before. I'm entitled to a midlife crisis.

I got up early today and went for a run. I've bought the new shoes. I took a look at the training schedule and figured it was for wusses like, say, John Maxwell. After this morning's run, I'd say it's for wusses like me.

I'm hoping to be able to jog 5k this year, and walk the rest. Maybe next year I'll jog all 10k. At least I'll be seeing a lot more of the beach.

June 22, 2003

This is our work, our worship

From the comments section of Rachel's journal:

This is our "work", our "worship". Not to build kingdoms but to simply offer our brokeness to the broken. (Geoff Bullock)

June 21, 2003

Wow! I can't believe my luck

Not only was I chosen to help transfer some money out of Nigeria for some very nice person who contacted me by e-mail (I'll let you know how that turns out), but now some kind person in Nigeria wants to donate six million dollars to my ministry:

My Lordship/Friend, [Note from Darryl: I prefer Lordship]

Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am former Mrs Sikiratu Seki Adams, now Mrs Comfort Faith Adams, a widow to Late Saheed Baba Adams.

I am 62years old, I am now a new Christian convert, suffering from long time cancer of the breast. From all indications, my condition is really deteriorating and is quite obvious that I may not live more than six months, because the cancer stage has gotten to a very severe stage.

My late husband was killed during the Gulf war, and during the period of our marriage we had a son who was also killed in a cold blood during the Gulf war. My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth. My personal physician told me that I may not live for more than six months and I am so scared about this. So, I now decided to divide part of this wealth, by contributing to the development of evangelism in Africa, America, Europe and Asian Countries.

This mission which will no doubt be tasking had made me to recently relocated to Nigeria, Africa where I live presently. I selected your church after visiting the website for this purpose and prayed over it, Iam willing to donate the sum of $6.000,000.00 Million US Dollars to your Church/Ministry for the development of evangelism and also as aids for the less privileged around you.

Please note that, this fund is lying in a Security Company in Holland and the company has branches, therefore my lawyer will file an immediate application for the transfer of the money in the name of your ministry. Please, do not reply me if you have the intention of using this fund for personal use other than enhancement of evangelism.

Lastly, I want you/your ministry to be praying for me as regards my entire life and my health because I have come to find out since my spiritual birth lately that wealth acquisition without Jesus Christ in one's life is vanity upon vanity. If you have to die says the Lord, keep fit and I will give you the crown of life.

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you.

I would want you to contact me back if you did receive my email.

I await your urgent reply.

Yours in Christ
Mrs. Comfort Adams.
Christ Live Church,
Bodija, Ibadan, Nigeria.

"To her [Mary] I entrust you,
that the New Woman,
Mother of the Church and of the New Humanity,
may be your inspiration in the discovery
of a new feminine identity in the Gospel perspective."

- John Paul II, Sept. 4, 1988

This is almost like one of those George Mueller stories - you know, saying grace at the orphanage, even though there was no food, and all of a sudden somebody showing up at the door with just the amount of food needed.

I was just looking at the DashHouse.com books and realizing that we would be six million dollars short this month. I was thinking about putting a PayPal donation button on the page, but now I won't need to. We're good for another month. Who knows what will happen in July?

If anyone else wants to donate six million to my ministry, this is exactly the way I'd expect it to happen. I'll gladly send you my bank and all other pertinent information. Of course I trust you - why wouldn't I?

June 20, 2003

Speaking of poverty

Speaking of poverty, I heard an otherwise great preacher quote Luke 7:22 yesterday: "The good news is preached to the poor." He paused to say, "That is, the poor in spirit." I checked to see if there was something I was missing in the passage, and double-checked to make sure we weren't reading Matthew 5:3. We weren't. What is it that makes us uncomfortable with accepting that Jesus cares as much about the poor as the poor in spirit?

Golfing with Tony

If you need to reach me today, I'll be golfing with Tony Campolo. The irony of golfing at an exclusive golf course to hear Tony talk about poverty issues isn't lost on me. Pray that I don't hit Tony in the head with a golf ball, because errant golf balls are my specialty.

Cathedral Lofts

We pass by the Cathedral Lofts project occasionally. It would be cool to live in a cathedral. Looks very nice.

June 19, 2003

More on Char's Dad

I've really appreciated those of you who have been praying for Char's Dad. His accident took place exactly one week ago today.

Dad walked into the hospital, but this week (Monday night) he became paralyzed below the waist. We had a very frustrating day on Tuesday. The resident doctor essentially told him to use it or lose it and then left for the day.

Talk about frustrating.

On Wednesday, Charlene's Mom went in determined to speak to the supervising doctor. She's not confrontational, and the doctors aren't always easy to find.

Not only did she find him, but he was great. He hadn't even heard of Dad's case. Within an hour, he was on the ward. A few more hours, and Dad was in the operating room to remove a clot from his back. We can hardly believe the care that he's had since then.

Dad's still facing weeks of pain and rehab, but we're a lot more encouraged. Thanks so much for your part in praying for us. It really has made a difference.

Guest blogging

Depending on how Charlene's Dad is doing, we may be going on vacation for a couple of weeks starting next Friday. Tent camping - no Internet, no phone. I don't want to think about how many e-mails I'll have when I get back.

I could leave the blog stagnant for a few weeks, but I've enjoyed when others have had guest bloggers when they're away. If you're interested in being a guest blogger, even just a couple of posts, e-mail me and let me know.

Same-sex marriage

I'm not a raving fundy or anything, but I find myself less excited about the same-sex marriage decision than some of my fellow bloggers.

On the one hand, the issue is largely symbolic, and I can't get too worked up about it. We do live in a pluralistic culture, and this decision was probably inevitable.

On the other hand, I tend to agree with Michael Coren that in this decision, the genuine meaning of marriage is lost. It was only a couple of hundred years ago that the government took over the marriage business from churches. I would have preferred a decision to give the whole marriage thing back to churches and other faith-based groups and set up some sort of civil registry for all manner of partnerships.

Nevertheless, as I said, the issue is largely symbolic, and may be a good opportunity to really come to grips with the fact that we don't live in a Christian nation, and never really did.

June 18, 2003

Harry Potter

I wonder how many pastors are working on anti-Harry Potter sermons for this Sunday? Actually, I don't want to know.

Beckham transfer raised at UN Security Council

From HindustanTimes.com:

The transfer of England football star David Beckham from Manchester United to Real Madrid became an affair of state at the UN Security Council on Wednesday.

I guess I'm from the wrong part of the world to truly appreciate the significance of this story.

Cool while it lasted

Weblog: Israeli Officials Say James Ossuary, Joash Tablet are Fakes - Christianity Today Magazine

Israel's Antiquities Authority unanimously calls James Ossuary inscription a forgery
A committee of archaeological experts organized by Israel's Antiquities Authority has unanimously concluded that the inscription on the James Ossuary is a forgery.

I guess that was a waste of a $10 museum admission.

Campbell's Hearty Noodles

I still miss Pot Noodle Soup, but Campbell's Hearty Noodles (Oriental Hot & Sour) isn't without its merits.

Windows

Just spent more than a few hours fixing a corrupted pst (Microsoft Outlook) file. It wasn't hard, but there's no way the average user could be expected to know how to do this. Makes me want a Mac...

Char's Dad

Some of you know what this is like. You can deal with a crisis for a few days. Then, after a while, you begin to fear that this is the new normal.

Char's Dad had a bad day today. I won't go into details, except to say we have more questions and fewer answers. We feel stuck because we can't go to see him, and there's really nothing we can do. This feels terrible all round.

Sure would appreciate your prayers.

June 17, 2003

Guess what I'm thinking of doing?

Preaching like Jesus

From FutureMargins.com:

How long would most modern day preachers last if the elders had to regularly ask, as Jesus' disciples did, "Tell us, what were you trying to say this morning?"

June 16, 2003

Charlene's Dad

Charlene's Dad has suffered some setbacks in the past couple of days. He's in a lot more pain and has lost some strength. We're concerned about the extent of the damage. He's under a bit of pressure to maintain his business, but it looks like that won't be happening soon.

My brother's a firefighter. He told us that 90% of falls from over six feet are fatal. Dad fell ten feet.

Reflections on About Schmidt

Charlene and I watched About Schmidt last night. Some random reflections:

I was amazed at how much I related to Warren Schmidt. If you haven't seen the movie, he sees himself as trapped and surrounded by absurdity, but feels he can do little about it except politely conform. It's not a good thing that I identified with the Schmidt character.

There are some movies with nudity in them that are anything but erotic. Schindler's List is one of them. This is another.

When Schmidt retires, and all his boxed papers are thrown out, and some brash young kid takes over, I didn't know whether to identify more with the brash young kid or to Schmidt. I guess that makes me officially middle aged.

People really don't know how to respond to grief. When Schmidt's wife dies, somebody gives him a sympathy card that made me laugh. Some of them are that bad. The platitudes get pretty wearying.

The aging process can be pretty scary.

From the first scene, I was drawn in by how beautifully the movie was crafted. It was not only a very moving film, but it was artfully done. I had to watch the opening few scenes twice. So much was said with so few words.

If you watch the DVD, don't forget to watch some of the extras. The short films on the Woodmen Insurance building were great, especially (I think) number 4.

Attempted abductions

From The Globe and Mail:

The arrest - made on the east side of Toronto's downtown - comes as police continue to hunt for the man responsible for the slaying of 10-year-old Holly Jones. Holly disappeared from the city's west end last month, a day before her body parts were found floating in Lake Ontario.

Investigators are also trying to determine whether the three other recent incidents in Holly's community can be linked, either to each other or to Holly's death.

Some of the alleged abductions have happened very close to home. Our kids aren't allowed to play in the front yard unsupervised anymore. Kind of sad.

Won Boston Marathon twice, once with 95¢ shoes

From the National Post:

Johnny Miles, the Cape Breton-born runner who shocked the world by twice winning the Boston Marathon in the 1920s, has died in Hamilton. He was 96...

"I don't know what all the fuss is about," Mr. Miles told the Spectator. "I had a God-given gift and I used it."

Post-sermon letdown

I'm an introvert, and preaching, even when it's fun for me, is incredibly draining. About once a year, I feel like doing the touchdown dance after I'm done. It would look pretty foolish, but it feels good. That's it, once a year, hardly ever more or less than that.

Most times when I'm done preaching, I'm exhausted and think how much better it could have been. That's every other week of the year. That's how I felt after yesterday.

Just got this e-mail to pick me up:

You continue to be wowing me with your sermons for the last few months. It's really great. Whatever you are doing that is new is working. I really appreciate them. Keep it up.

I've also heard these comments from others who may not tell you.

Thanks. That's the perfect encouragement for the Monday post-sermon letdown. Probably a good reminder that we're neither as bad as we feel on our worst days or as good as we feel on our best days.

June 15, 2003

Father's Day

A different type of Father's Day today. My dad's in England, and doesn't even know it's Father's Day. Charlene's dad is in hospital, and we can't see him. (He's in much more pain today as well).

We went to the Outback after church and had this coming year's quota of red meat. Nothing says Happy Father's Day like an 11 ounce steak, jacket potato, caesar salad, and Cinnamon Oblivion with one's family. We stopped at the airport on the way home to watch planes take off, and then came home to some gifts and cards. A good day indeed.

Totally inappropriate

Today, the webmaster of Richview's site e-mailed me to ask where he could get adult content for the church website. Honestly, I know we would get a lot more hits, but is this really where we want to go as a church?

Reminds me of when our church librarian suggested an increase in her budget to buy more adult videos. I'm hoping I know what she meant.

June 14, 2003

House insurance

I don't know if I mentioned how unimpressed I am with Ing Novex, our house insurer. This letter refers to the two floods that happened last year, which to a layperson looks like the same flood, parts 1 and 2:

REGISTERED LETTER

Dear Insured,

As we have already advised your broker, we will not be offering a renewal for the above mentioned habitational policy from the expiry date shown. Your broker may have already arranged insurance through another company for you. However, you should check directly with your broker in this regard.

This letter is written in accordance with the guidelines set down by the Insurance Act, so you will have proper notice of the fact that this company will not be renewing the above numbered policy.

This Habitational policy is being lapsed due to 2 or more claims in the past 5 years.

Yours truly,
Underwriter

We've been claims free for 12 years, apart from these floods, and the two floods were caused by the city. They've also recovered all costs from the first claim from the contractor hired by the city, and will probably recover all costs from the second claim too. I could say a lot more, but I'm very, very unimpressed.

Are you married to your job?

From the National Post:

An Ontario court decision recognizing the legality of same-sex marriage lets a bizarre legal tactic out of the closet: the possibility of marriage between a human and a corporation.

Professor Bruce Welling, corporate law expert at the University of Western Ontario, says that since corporations are endowed with the same legal rights as humans, the new definition of marriage makes it possible for a human to marry an Ontario corporation.

Ridiculous as it might sound, a marriage between a corporation and a person could offer special benefits. For example, the happy couple could gain access to spousal tax credits, the right to claim support in a legal separation, maybe even pension benefits.

Gays and the church

Michael Coren keeps getting better and better:

Yet every time I am tempted to react too strongly I remember that I, at least, am sexually broken and there is a very good chance you are as well. I thank God my temptations, my flaws, are not of a homosexual nature. I can only imagine how difficult life would be if they were.

There are many sins in the world, and many sinners. Perhaps if the church had in the past been more egalitarian in its critiques we would be more accepted now when we speak out on issues such as homosexuality.

The debate will continue. Who knows where it will end? If there is any hatred in your heart, you have no right to speak out on the subject. But if there is love in your heart, you have a responsibility to speak out on the subject. And to listen, as well.

LeadingDyingChurches.com

My new blog, LeadingDyingChurches.com, is up. If you get a chance, bookmark and blogroll it. I'm looking forward to developing some ideas with your help.

June 13, 2003

The Homeless Guy

Found through Jordon: The Homeless Guy. Very good stuff.

Gay marriage part 2

David Frum weighs in with some conservative reaction to the gay marriage issue in Canada. Actually, I disagree with his analysis. I think the court decision, if not preferred by most Canadians, is at least acknowledged as inevitable. I've been surprised with how little reaction there's been on either side of the debate.

I don't want to dwell on the subject of gay marriage, but the National Post editorial yesterday raised a good point. I think we're a few years away from a court challenge that pits religious freedom against gay rights. It'll probably happen here, and I'm not sure religious freedom will win out. Should be interesting.

It's a good time to be salt and light.

Polka king will pay for free

From the National Post:

"I thought it was pretty funny," Mr. Ostanek said yesterday from a recording studio near his home in St. Catharines. "That's the first time I've been mentioned in the same class as the Rolling Stones. It'd be great. I'd do one job and retire."...

But the polka king admits one of his shows -- even with free admission -- would not create a buzz similar to that of the Stones.

Glad we're clear on that.

Update

Thanks for all the prayers and support. Charlene's dad is doing okay, I hear. Only one person is allowed to see him per day because of the SARS restrictions. The medical staff have been great, apart from accidentally throwing away his wallet from the clothes that they cut off him. The doctor told him he's lucky to be alive.

This has really been a nightmare situation in a lot of ways. Found lying unconscious and bloody; police unable to reach wife for hours; lying on a spinal board with no painkillers for hours; two kids far away. I learned a lot last night. I was stuck in Guelph, about 80 km away, without a car a little after 11:00 at night, and desperate to get back. I disovered that Greyhound had one last bus that I could catch if I packed and checked out and made it to a corner about 10 minutes away by 11:30. I made it.

By the way, you learn a lot taking public transit in a big city early in the morning, especially on a weeknight. You don't encounter the party crowd; you come across the regulars. If you live in Toronto, I especially recommend the Queen Street streetcar.

Anyway, we just may appreciate Father's Day on Sunday a little more than we had planned.

Family emergency

I'm back from my writing conference early. Charlene's dad fell at work yesterday (Thursday) and fractured his back. At one point, they were concerned about the proximity of one of the fractures to the spinal cord, but things look a bit better now. Today's a big day as they try to get him up and assess what's been damaged.

Please pray for him and the family.

June 11, 2003

Gone

I'm gone (again) for the next few days at a writing conference. I attended this, oh I don't know, 20 years ago (scary). That means I don't know whether to go to the Orientation for Newcomers or the Alumni Reception tomorrow.

I'll post if I can find Internet access there.

Next week, by the way, I hope to have a new blog set up to help me think and write about leading dying churches.

Exactly

From Mark Riddle, found through Mike Todd (permalinks not working):

Is it any wonder it's easy for us to lose touch with the gospel when we can't even identify what it means to take up a cross?

Christ didn't die so we could have worship services that meet our needs.

Christ didn't die so we could be treated with kid gloves like a fickle consumer on sunday mornings.

Christ didn't die so we could get something out of bible study or small group.

Christ didn't die so the church could be active and busy.

The central theme for far too many churches seems to be comfort and customer satisfaction.

The central theme for christianity is suffering, the executioner's cross, the blood spilled and body broken of Eucharist, baptism's metaphor of death burial and resurrection.

June 10, 2003

Gay marriage

From Reuters:

TORONTO/OTTAWA (Reuters) - Two Toronto men were wed on Tuesday in the first legal gay marriage ceremony to be held in North America after a landmark Canadian court ruling set aside the heterosexual definition of matrimony...

If the ruling is not appealed, the province of Ontario would be the first jurisdiction in North America to legalize gay marriage. Vermont and Quebec have allowed gay civil unions but not full marriage.

Update: Jordon comments. I tend to agree with him.

The other church

Lots of talk in these parts about another church that's doing really well. We've lost a few people to them, and I think it's great (they went for the right reasons).

It's one thing to talk about being the type of church that dies to itself, and about escaping from the success trap that's ensnared modern churches. But when you're a pastor and you hear of another church that's doing well, and that many of your people (my people? there's part of the problem) wish they could be there, you find out that your old nature isn't quite dead yet. I found myself wishing today that I could be part of the fun, or that we could have some of the fun here as well.

That's why Jesus said we had to take up our crosses daily. Dying once isn't enough. I'm dying once again today, glad not only that they're doing so well, but also content that I'm not there and I'm not them. As Jesus said to Peter, "What is that to you?" (John 21:22).

More Anne Lamott

Just flipping through some of the pages where I dog-eared Traveling Mercies:

On Life

It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox, full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendship, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said, Do the best you can with these, they will have to do. And mostly, against all odds, they're enough. (p. 103)

Our preacher Veronica said recently that this is life's nature: that lives and hearts get broken - those of people we love, those of people we'll never meet. She said that the world sometimes feels like the waiting room of the emergency ward and that we who are more or less OK for now need to take the tenderest possible care of the more wounded people in the waiting room, until the healer comes. You just sit with people, she said, you bring them juice and graham crackers. (p. 106)

God: I wish you could have some permanence, a guarantee or two, the unconditional love we all long for. "It would be such skin off your nose?" I demand of God. But in the meantime I have learned that most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of people. (p. 168)

On Forgiveness

They say we are not punished for the sin but by the sin, and I began to feel punished by my unwillingness to forgive. By the time I decided to become one of the ones who is heavily into forgiveness, it was like trying to become a marathon runner in middle age; everything inside me either recoiled, as from a hot flame, or laughed a little too hysterically...As C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity, "If we really want to learn how to forgive, perhaps we had better start off with something easier than the Gestapo." (p. 128)

Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. (p. 134)

On Grace

Out of nowhere I remembered something one of my priest friends had said once, that grace is having a commitment to - or at least an acceptance of - being ineffective and foolish. That our bottled charm is the main roadblock to drinking that clear cool glass of love...I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. It can be received gladly or grudgingly, in big gulps or in tiny tastes, like a deer at the salt. (pp. 142-143)

I was back in church the week before as one of our members stood at the pulpit telling us about how she had come to adopt her little son...First they had to fill out a questionnaire, with questions like, "Could you adopt an addicted baby? A child with a terminal illness? With mild retardation? With moderate retardation? With tendencies toward violence against others?" She ticked off the list, and then she cried. Veronica stepped to her side. "God is an adoptive parent, too," she said. "And she chose us all. She says, 'Sure, I'll take the kids who are addicted, or terminal. I pick all the retarded kids, and of course the sadists. The selfish ones, the liars...'"...So of course he loves old ordinary me, even or especially at my most scared and petty and mean and obsessive. Loves me; chooses me. (pp. 254-255)

Falling into grace

From Rachel's journal:

People want to be part of the winning team. It's easy to say, 'Come to our church. We have great lights and great music.' I used to say that. But I never said, 'Listen. Come and meet the people who know what pain is like, and what brokenness is like. Come to meet people who are going to make you feel at home with your failure, because they're not pretending to be anybody. And come and meet Jesus, the person who gives us the ability to keep starting again and not feel so despairing that we give up.' If we were so honest about our unrighteousness that when we saw someone suffering feelings of shame and pain we didn't judge them, but we had a great sense of compassion for them, because we knew how they felt - the same damning guilt and shame and abhorrence that we feel - wouldn't it make a difference? (Geoff Bullock)

June 9, 2003

Happy birthday

It's Bene's birthday!

June 8, 2003

Tell the truth

Try to write in a directly emotional way, instead of being too subtle or oblique. Don't be afraid of your material or your past. Be afraid of wasting any more time obsessing about how you look and how people see you. Be afraid of not getting your writing done.

If something inside you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Don't worry about appearing sentimental. Worry about being unavailable; worry about being absent or fraudulent. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you're a writer, you have an obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act - truth is always subversive. (Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird)

June 7, 2003

The law's the law

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity... More

Today's laugh.

Marriage

Charlene and I have been married for almost thirteen years now. About a year before we married, I took a course on marriage counseling. The professor talked about marriage as both the greatest blessing and the biggest challenge we'd ever face. He talked about his marriage, on how he thought he had made a huge mistake, how he wanted to stay married only long enough to save face. On the way to saving face, he discovered that he had something worth saving, and they ended up building a strong marriage.

Since that time, I've met a few people for whom marriage has been an effortless joy. For most of us, it's presented some of our greatest joys - as well as some of our hardest moments. This, I'm discovering, is the norm.

Recently, Charlene and I faced a new challenge in our relationship. She's become stronger and more assertive (in the good sense of the word). My patterns of behavior were geared to respond to her old patterns, and all of a sudden we were facing more confict than we had ever faced before. We couldn't figure out why, and all the adjustments we tried to make weren't helping. We were committed to the relationship, but were facing a problem we didn't know how to fix.

The solution, it turned out, was in my hands. It's so obvious I hate to share it, but I've found that I'm not the only one who's reacted this way. Charlene just needed the emotional air to breathe. When she expressed hurt, anger, or frustration, I needed to not respond by editing her, correcting her, or getting defensive. I needed to just let her express however she was feeling, even if it wasn't neat or appropriate or my opinion. One small adjustment, one huge difference.

I'm still learning this whole thing, but it's reminded me that we all sometimes need help to figure this life thing out. It never hurts to ask for help. It's also been a good picture of how God treats us. God never gets defensive with me. He never tells me I'm not expressing myself properly, or I shouldn't say something a certain way. Thank God that he's much better at this relationship thing than I am.

June 6, 2003

Parenting step

Christina's away camping with her Brownies group this weekend. It's the first time she's been away without us (not counting sleepovers at a friend's house). Our little kid is getting older.

My Precious

My friend Sandy pointed me to this excellent and moving video clip (warning: it's two megabytes):

Considering the product is positioned as an object of lascivious obsession, the fact that a Gollum-like character is fixated on a pack of precious Pot Noodles is fitting. An interesting spec that captures the conflicted nature of the creepy Lord of the Rings character and the naughty draw of the soupy snack.

Considering earlier posts, I'm wondering if I should be seeking some kind of professional help?

June 5, 2003

Blogging meets life

I'm back from the conference now. It was great to get away. I really needed the break. I could get used to a much slower pace of life.

One strange thing: met a few people in my circles who have come across this blog. I know a few people at the church check in, but it's a new thing for me to discover some in my wider circle of acquaintances have done so too. I'll have to watch what I say - nah...

Leading Dying Churches

Hey, Bird by Bird has got me writing. I've been toying with book projects for a while. No idea if what I write will get published or not, but I'm starting to work on a book project. If nothing else, it will help clarify my thinking. It's called Leading Dying Churches, on how the church must die to truly live.

If nothing else, it's kind of fun to be developing these thoughts.

June 4, 2003

Building an institution - my journey

After my last post, on not being sure that I want to build a church, Ronz asked:

what's happening to you?!?! it's amazing how perspectives shift.

how do you communicate that to those around you? or do you?

The recent online discussion on church co-incided with some events in my own life. One was a day that I arrived at the office with a pretty clear idea of what I should be doing that day. I spent all day - all of it - working on building, staffing, and administrative issues. It's not that these are bad, but I realized that a pastor's job can so easily change from one of spiritual leadership to institutional maintenance.

The challenges kept flying: a challenge by Erwin McManus at a tape I showed our board; the comments from one of our board members; the realization of how easy it is to be sucked into maintenance mode. At the same time, I was growing more troubled about some of my old approaches (church growth and some of the other trends that pastors tend to follow), and more drawn (ironically) to stuff that Eugene Peterson had written about pastoral work years ago.

I came home from a business meeting a week ago, and my 8-year-old daughter asked me what it means to second a motion. I'm not sure I want Robert's Rules of Order to be part of her education on what it means to be a church. It has its place, but that stuff can so easily take over.

Bill Easum's book Beyond the Box is helping flesh out some of the ideas in my context. It doesn't mean that I'm going to quit my role, although it does mean that I'm willing to if that's what God wants. The structure of the church can hinder or help, but in itself it isn't wrong. I've got a great group of leaders who have the same heart. It's not to scary to communicate some of this in my context.

The real question at this point is if, in North America today, a pastor can be more focused on moving beyond the structures and buildings and techniques and lay oneself completely on the table to do what God wants. In essence, I think the call to the church is the same as to each of us individually: to die to itself, to take up the cross daily, to leave all the stuff Jesus calls us to leave. Individually, that's father and mother, husband/wife and children, brother and sister, even one's own life. As churches, it might be buildings and budgets, committees and growth, ambitions and security. Whatever church wants to save its life will lose it, but the church that loses its life for Christ will find it.

June 3, 2003

Matrix Reloaded

Just got back from seeing the Matrix Reloaded with some guys up here. Theatre tickets: $5.50 on Tuesdays - very cool. I had heard lots of bad things about the movie, but I really enjoyed it.

Lots of hanging out with guys, talking, laughing. For an introvert like me, I get my fill after a few days and at least need a break, but I'm not there yet. It's a welcome change from the normal routine.

I did miss the family. Christina had her spring concert tonight at school. She had some extra family and friend support, but I missed being there. I don't like to miss too many of these.

Pastors Conference Part 2

Well, I'm here, but you guys have messed with my mind. Lots of good stuff to learn, including a session on what our wives want to tell us, but there's a problem. Good session on building a contagious church today, but I'm not sure that's my goal anymore. Somebody was introduced as being committed to the church, and I cringed a little. A few months ago I would have been okay with that, but I'm now wondering if we're too much about building churches and not enough about, well, what God's concerned about.

We're going out to town now for a little while...small town Huntsville. I'm told the snoring in our room was bad last night, but I'm sure it couldn't have been me. I know I didn't hear anything.

Later...

June 2, 2003

Pastor's Conference

I'm away until Thursday for Pastor's Conference. I am so ready to get away. The speaker is Larry Osborne, but the highlight is never the speaker. It's the chance to get away and slow down, as well as to connect with friends.

I think they might have wi-fi access in one area of the conference grounds, but I'm not sure. I'll try to blog from up there; otherwise, I'll be back Thursday.

cre8d journal

Rachel's got an amazing new design, as well as another project she's just completed. Looks great. I'm also honored that she's added me to her blog roll.

June 1, 2003

Park Lawn

Spent the morning at Park Lawn, the church I pastored for seven years right out of seminary at the age of 23. I left there exactly five years ago to go to Richview.

So many things haven't changed. Stan still stands at the door and hands out bulletins. The same people came late. So much else has changed, but the personality of the place remains the same.

It was an odd feeling, sort of like when you run into an old flame. There's an uneasy intimacy; a sense that you used to share secrets but you're strangers now, although it wouldn't take long to get past all that once the uneasiness was out of the way.

I spent some time thinking about how I promoted the church all wrong. I told people we were a church on the move, that we were going to grow, all that stuff nobody buys. (What was wrong with me?) Now it's so clear. Here's the message: if you're looking for the church that's growing, has great programs, and a great future, here's a list. Don't come here. If you're looking for a quirky little church where your idiosyncrasies will be welcomed, where you'll be accepted, this is us. We're slightly nuts, but isn't everyone? At least you won't catch us putting on airs.

What a great marketing strategy.

They are the church that drives anal-retentive people crazy. They're also a church that just may do more for the kingdom than many of the churches that have it all put together.

It was good to be back, if only for a day.