Darryl's Blog
The ways that forgiveness is conditional
Thinking about forgiveness over the past few weeks has been really good for me. I began this series wanting to examine my belief that forgiveness is unconditional. I think I'm prepared to change my position. I'd like to suggest that forgiveness is both conditional and unconditional. Since that's hardly clear, let me try to put it differently: The offended party must unconditionally move toward forgiveness, but forgiveness can only be fully completed once repentance has taken place.
Clear as mud?
For today let me unpack the last part of this sentence: forgiveness can only be fully completed once repentance has taken place.
Jesus said:
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him. (Luke 17:3-4)
Other passages emphasize the importance of forgiveness, but don't include the conditional clause "if he repents." But perhaps it's assumed there. Is it possible that complete forgiveness cannot take place if the offender doesn't repent? This would create a parallel between our being forgiven by God, which happens after repentance, and our forgiving others.
I believe that forgiveness always has in view reconciliation, and reconciliation is always two-sided. So if there is not a repentance corresponding to a forgiveness, then very often there is an impossibility of reconciliation. I think that whatever we think about forgiveness, forgiveness is a component to what is a larger picture, and the larger picture is reconciliation. And reconciliation is necessarily two-sided.
John Piper also hits the same note:
When a person who wronged us does not repent with contrition and confession and conversion (turning from sin to righteousness), he cuts off the full work of forgiveness. We can still lay down our ill will; we can hand over our anger to God; we can seek to do him good; but we cannot carry through reconciliation or intimacy.
Tomorrow: I'll talk about the ways that forgiveness is unconditional. In short, I'll argue that even if the other party does not repent, we must move toward forgiveness, even if it won't be completed. In other words, there must be a readiness to forgive.
This is really good stuff.
Allow me to sum up for my own benefit.
Forgiveness is our nonnegotiable move toward a reconciliation that, intrinsic to it, can only be brought to completion in the wake of repentance. So, forgiveness is conditional because its very nature necessitates a movement into full relationship. It is transitory.
Love it!
Very well put, David. I may even quote you!
Good stuff Darryl. It's feels nice to agree with you :)
"When a person who wronged us does not repent with contrition and confession and conversion (turning from sin to righteousness), he cuts off the FULL* work of forgiveness. We can still lay down our ill will; we can hand over our anger to God; we can seek to do him good; but we cannot carry through reconciliation or intimacy." (*emphasis mine.)
I'll agree with you that reconciliation can only take place if and when the perpetrator of harm repents. Just as God's forgiveness of our sins does not result in rightstanding with him unless we repent, neither does reconciliation occur between the abused and the abuser unless the latter repents sincerely.
However, forgiveness of others is more than just seeking reconciliation and relationship. God had in mind for us to be free from all encumberances that prevent us from seeking and being all that we can be in Him. Abundant Life is not very abundant if we are chained to our pasts because we cannot let go of the person who did us dirt, and/or the actions that hurt us.
If I continue to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt me in the past, that person and his/her actions continue to hurt me and keep me reliving the hurt and anger over and over and over. How can I heal if I am forever picking the scab off the sore? If I do not forgive unconditionally, that person then still has the power to cause me harm. Forgiving them, whether or not they repent or even acknowledge the harm they have done, releases ME from that power and sets ME free.
I am then able to break the chains and overcome the negative self-images that have resulted from that abuse. How can I love others as "I love myself" when I DON'T love myself? How can I affirm others if I see myself as a worm? How can I comfort someone when I am not in a place of comfort and still reeling from the hurts that someone else has caused? We cannot give what we do not have.
A healthy self-image is necessary in order to see ourselves as God sees us, and also in order to love others. SO: while I agree that reconciliation is only possible if repentance occurs, their repentance is something that is between them and God, and in a sense is not our concern at all.
Arthur:
My next post may deal with some of what you're saying. Since we must unconditionally move towards forgiveness, there is no room for holding grudges or remaining bitter. No question there. As I'm trying to say, there are elements of forgiveness that are unconditional (i.e. not holding a grudge), but there are also elements that are conditional based upon the other person's repentance (i.e. full reconciliation).