I leave in about an hour. This could be the last time I see Dad. Maybe not. I've thought the same thing whenever I've left since 1989. One day it will be true.
Dad was 46 when I was born. My parents were separated by the time I went to school. Dad moved to England by the time I was 10. We've had contact since, but part of my wonders why I care. I must fulfill my duty, but caring is something entirely different.
Dad is flawed. He rants. He has done the most unspeakable things to members of my family. I won't even describe them here.
I remember only a few things before he left our house: I remember camping with him. I remember jumping off his shoulders into the lake. I remember underdogs on the swing. I remember him watching Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday night. I remember him delivering pizza while on strike to make the ends meet. I remember my older brother having to call the neighbor (an RCMP officer) one night. I remember the tears and the fear.
I asked Dad this week if he had good memories of his childhood. He said no. He said he tried to give us the childhood that he never had. I'd say he got only partway there.
One of my friends has a quote in his office that says something like this: "There's so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it's hard to know what to make of us." In Christian terms, you could say that there's so much of the image of God in the most flawed human being, and so much potential for evil in the best person, that it's hard to know which one will catch your eye.
I'll soon be on my way. Bye, Dad.
hey darryl
hope the trip is going well.
are we still on for today? be great to see you in london. come over for lunch.
It's about 'grace', 'forgiveness' and 'honouring your father' - things we have received and need to be passing on to others (not always so well). I suspect that is part of the 'why' for you.
I remember more of dad, being oldder - the good and the bad. It's very hard to see the good in the shadow of the bad. He's my father, not my 'dad' - and there IS a difference to me. But I care for him and want to see that his need are met. As you say, that's very difficult to do from so far away.
Well done, Darryl. Safe trip home.
my father left my mother when when I was 7 .. it took many years to understand that he left her and not us (not saying your situation was the same)
I have not agreed with a lot of things he's done, but alas I have now moved twice in my life to be closer to him
my story is not the same as yours but it brings on similar emotions .. thanks for being so public!
(sorry for the double post)
Darryl, I have immense respect for you and God's self-giving grace. God bless you.
There are always so many mixed emotions when I think of Dad. Anger and sorrow for sure, but also caring and love, these days.
As Darryl has already implied, there was a certain amount of abuse many years ago, and consequently we all have issues we deal with on a daily basis. The fact is, of all the children sired by Dad, I tend to be the most rebellious, the most stubborn, the most irreverent,... the black sheep of the family in some respects.
Which is why I have so much respect for Denise, my Mom, who despite what she had to endure, never ever said an unkind word about Dad. She raised four remarkably well-adjusted children, all contributing members of society, all born again, all raising great kids of their own, (the majority of whom are also born-again.) And that is also why I have such respect for my siblings, who have overcome some tremendous obstacles, and who, for the most part anyway, are so NOT bitter.
I am so thankful for God's Grace at work in all our lives.
I really respect your willingness to be there for your dad. Thank you for sharing your journey.