Char's Blog
Beware!
On Friday AM I posted Looking for Love. Unknown to me I would, just four hours later, listen to a litany of interconnected issues and situations that will require this very thing.
Walking away from my meeting I longed to simply quit. I'm not a quitter. In fact I've been accused in some cases of being tenacious to the point of foolishness. Until Friday I gave of myself in the belief that, while my involvement had been demanding, things were getting better - the effort was worth it. More important to what nourishes me, I had made some wonderful friendships amongst the group. (For the cynical of heart: Surprise, it's NOT a church! It's not even a christian organization!)
I'm tired of loving and being verbally insulted for it. I'm tired of loving and taking the blame for the wrongs of others. I'm tired of the ongoing demands on my mental and emotional resources that seem to bring only further demands and achieve no further good. In truth, I'm tired of loving. But what is love if, in the face of great challenge it choses to retire? From some remote region in my mind drifts the words of Shakespeare's Sonnet 116. I must confess that, apart from Mr. William Shakespeare and the Internet I would never have known the complete quote or the particular work it was from!
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
Colin McCartney, Executive Director, Urban Promise Toronto, recently spoke on Jeremiah's words (chapter 8):So... was I really looking for Love on Friday or only some incandescent mirage of it?
Being a Christ follower is so wonderful from the warmth of Christian houses and church buildings, clothed in the protective wrappings of isolation and fellow believers.
Since my people are crushed, I am crushed;
I mourn, and horror grips me.
Is there no balm in Gilead?
Is there no physician there?
Why then is there no healing
for the wound of my people?
My city, my community, is in need of healing. To "be the balm", the oil of healing, I have to first be rubbed into the wounds of my community. It would appear I have found opportunity for the real thing if only I can find the fortitude and courage that such a bloody love requires.
Beware of what you look for!
Wow. All I can say, thank you for your honesty. Very, incredibly, insightful, but heartfelt stuff usually is.
Keep on taking the risk to really love. Our friend and saviour was crucified for it and said if we really loved the same might be asked of us.
It sounds like you experienced some of what he meant. Thanks for sharing, wish I could give you a hug. Next time I see you!
Colin is one of my friends from way way back. We actually used to live together. I know that he's been through the wringer lately with the tragedy of losing Dalton Pitters, one of his youth leaders. I emailed your husband today and we may be meeting in a few weeks. It's such a small world sometimes...