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Had a great time watching the Leafs trash Atlanta tonight at the ACC. The game was terrific but best moment of the night had to be the fan appreciation event "Take the Shirts Off Our Backs" where 29 kids went home in stinkin' wet jerseys worn by the players. Great stuff!!

I find great affinity and strength in Darrel Manson's review summation of House of Sand and Fog,

But despite the seeming pessimism, tragedy has value in demonstrating the depths we can fall to if we allow fate and flaws to determine matters. Each time those involved failed to do what was right or proper or acted only for themselves, it made it harder to make things work out. Eventually it leads to ruin for all involved.

On Friday AM I posted Looking for Love. Unknown to me I would, just four hours later, listen to a litany of interconnected issues and situations that will require this very thing.

Walking away from my meeting I longed to simply quit. I'm not a quitter. In fact I've been accused in some cases of being tenacious to the point of foolishness. Until Friday I gave of myself in the belief that, while my involvement had been demanding, things were getting better - the effort was worth it. More important to what nourishes me, I had made some wonderful friendships amongst the group. (For the cynical of heart: Surprise, it's NOT a church! It's not even a christian organization!)

I'm tired of loving and being verbally insulted for it. I'm tired of loving and taking the blame for the wrongs of others. I'm tired of the ongoing demands on my mental and emotional resources that seem to bring only further demands and achieve no further good. In truth, I'm tired of loving. But what is love if, in the face of great challenge it choses to retire? From some remote region in my mind drifts the words of Shakespeare's Sonnet 116. I must confess that, apart from Mr. William Shakespeare and the Internet I would never have known the complete quote or the particular work it was from!

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

So... was I really looking for Love on Friday or only some incandescent mirage of it?

Being a Christ follower is so wonderful from the warmth of Christian houses and church buildings, clothed in the protective wrappings of isolation and fellow believers.

Since my people are crushed, I am crushed;
I mourn, and horror grips me.
Is there no balm in Gilead?
Is there no physician there?
Why then is there no healing
for the wound of my people?

My city, my community, is in need of healing. To "be the balm", the oil of healing, I have to first be rubbed into the wounds of my community. It would appear I have found opportunity for the real thing if only I can find the fortitude and courage that such a bloody love requires.

Beware of what you look for!

The love of my life is back! It is so good to have him home! Now comes the hard part. At 10pm he's heading for bed. Typically I have been retiring between 1 and 3 am while he has been away. So... while remaining in a consistent time zone we have drifted 3 to 5 hours apart in our evening routines. That's enough to put one of us on each coast of the continent!! Quite amazing. Oh well, the adaptation is worth the effort but when will I get to blog now?

Toughness is needed to overcome the sentimentality that often passes for love, in order to work for the longer-term good of those we love. Our culture seems to equate being loving with being nice, when the reality is that being nice can sometimes be more about avoiding hard stuff.

from Word on the Web

My greatest struggle is summed up well by this entry from Thomas a' Kempis, "The Imitation of Christ", Book 3 found on OurDailyBlog.

TO FIND THE CREATOR, FORSAKE ALL CREATURES

THE DISCIPLE: O LORD, I am in sore need still of greater grace if I am to arrive at the point where no man and no created thing can be an obstacle to me.

I know not what it is, or by what spirit we are led, or to what we pretend -- we who wish to be called spiritual -- that we spend so much labor and even more anxiety on things that are transitory and mean, while we seldom or never advert with full consciousness to our interior concerns.

Reading today from Oswald Chambers:

Even the natural heart of the unsaved will serve if called upon to do so, but it takes a heart broken by conviction of sin, baptized by the Holy Spirit, and crushed into submission to God’s purpose to make a person’s life a holy example of God’s message.

There are many moments when I am surprised, angered or overwhelmed by the circumstances surrounding my being "crushed into submission".

Occaisionally, I am able to see a larger view and embrace it. Waking up today with a raging headache and sick stomach, barely able to walk or function I had no alternative but to cry, "God you have to get me through this day because I can not make it on my own." God heard me and provided beloved friends to care for my children's needs allowing me to sleep. Ever considered sleeping a "holy example of God's message"?

This very cool love shack (from Jordon Cooper) is coming to my back yard soon! Okay... so maybe my husband has been gone too long? But can I still get it?!!

Things started out a little rough for my birthday boy Sunday morning but he got himself a bit more together with a phone call from Daddy. He improved from this point and by the time church was over he was higher than a kite because the class had just finished singing happy bithday to him. The party went off well with the aid of several parents. Many thanks to Sheila, Brian, Lois, Sue, Lori, Ed and Dwayne (church custodian in the building for personal reasons) who each made mighty contributions!

In fact, based on my experiences, anything done to assist a single parent (whether they are 'single' only for a time or whether it is permanent) is a mighty contribution. Gives me something to challenge my selfishness - how about you?

Pictures to follow shortly!

Today was a day of God's provision. There is difficult family news right now. My Aunt Dorothy's companion, Mike, passed away this week. In addition, my Aunt Marie is very unwell. She is losing alot of blood and her medical condition is complicated by heart disease, kidney failure and diabetes. Doctors are uncertain how to proceed. Her heart likely can not handle surgery yet without it she will die from blood loss. Please pray especially for my Aunt Marie's situation, for the doctors who attend to her, for her family and for my parents in this regard.

Thankfully, small group friends, Jim & Karen, looked after Christina & Josiah for me so that I could pick up and deliver party items, groceries, flowers and gifts. I miss Darryl so much at this time but by God's grace I remain strong for the moment.

Your continued support in prayer is most appreciated at this time.

Today has been a grey day. The weather was dull and I'm tired from too many late nights but more than anything I feel a little down because I miss Darryl. The best thing today: Josiah prepared dinner for all of us while at his sitter's - canelloni, salad and bread! A big thanks to my good friend Sue who is awesome in caring for both my son and, at times, the rest of us too!

I'm spending a considerable amount of time lurking these days. As a newbie blogger I'm looking around, checking out the turf so to speak. I've got some 15 sites I visit regularly (thanks to my Bloglines Notifier installed by Darryl) and it's amazing how quickly I find myself connecting (or not) with various bloggers. It's tempting to pick favourites quickly.

I'm a sucker for the human interest notations like this one from Randall Friesen but my mind just starts jumping with questions like this one from hamo. The first, the stuff of children, parents and family, I can comment on. The second requires reading, reflection and prayer.

Still looking for connection - I expect that, as in the unwired world, it will take a substantial quantity of time and effort. Then again, there have been a few moments that have been huge already. A big thank you to those of you who stop by from time to time and comment either online, via email or in person.

What an incredible opportunity to connect, challenge and encourage one another. Yep - still high on "this time in history"!!