Low-Grade Sense of Ministerial Failure
Monday, November 9, 2009 at 4:00AM Mondays are a tough day for pastors. Last week Leith Anderson spoke at our denominational convention and quipped that he never took Mondays off, because he believed he should be payed for the days that he feels suicidal.
I've heard jokes like this before. I don't mind low-energy Mondays. It's natural for Mondays to be slow after the busyness of Sundays. What concerns me more is the ongoing sense of failure that pastors struggle with, not just on Mondays but on every day of the week.
A recent USA Today article focused on the problem:
Being a pastor -- a high-profile, high-stress job with nearly impossible expectations for success -- can send one down the road to depression, according to pastoral counselors.
"We set the bar so high that most pastors can't achieve that," said H.B. London, vice president for pastoral ministries at Focus on the Family, based in Colorado Springs, Colo. "And because most pastors are people-pleasers, they get frustrated and feel they can't live up to that."
On Twitter, somebody linked to this sobering suicide note. "In the history of this great church, my office has been held by many fine and godly men. I am deeply ashamed to know that I am the first one to fail it so miserably." Very sad.
Still later in the weekend, someone linked to this post:
Outwardly, everything seemed fine. I was successful as a minister. Everything was going well. There was no sign of anything seriously wrong. But inwardly, I was struggling with this incredible, suffocating weight of despair. It started a few years ago as uncontrollable weeping spells out of nowhere, I could be walking along in a shopping mall, driving down the street, or wherever. All of a sudden, this tsunami of despair would wash over me, sweep me off my feet, knock the wind right out of me, until there is nothing left to do but cry.
This may seem extreme to some, but I bet most pastors can relate to what this pastor writes:
"Failure" is a constant companion. People leave the church and I feel like I've failed. Visitors come once or twice and are never seen again and I feel like I've failed. I deal often with people who are intent on ruining their lives with drugs or alcohol and when they go right ahead and do just that I feel like I've failed. I spend time with people who go on to drift away from the faith and I feel like I've failed. Our church is no bigger today than it was 10 years ago and I feel like I've failed. I pray for sick people without results but if Benny Hinn comes to the city they'll be real excited about that because, you know, Benny's got the anointing and his prayers will be effective. FAIL!
I'll soon enter my 50th year and I carry with me this low-grade sense of ministerial failure. Don't know what to do about that. Trying to counter it by a recitation of my "successes" would be even more toxic. It's part of the package. I'll just have to trust a Saviour whose life on that fateful Friday looked like a failure and know that His strength is made perfect in weakness.
I'm sure most pastors can relate to what this pastor writes. Sadly, not everyone gets to what he says in his last sentence. But most, I'm sure, can relate to his experience.
What to make of all this?
First, we need to be open about this issue. It's easy to pretend it's not an issue, and pastors can be slow to admit it's an issue for them. It's probably time for elders or the equivalent to have honest talks with their pastors about how they're doing with this issue. Discouragement is an occupational hazard for ministers. It doesn't hurt to put some measures in place to help deal with this issue, such as a sabbatical policy. We could all probably fast from attending conferences with "successful" pastors on stage who have done what nobody in the audience will be able to replicate. If we attend these conferences, we at least should expose the subtle messages that are being communicated to those who feel they don't measure up.
If you're a pastor who's struggling with this, you're not alone. A friend recently told me "Spurgeon, Luther, Brainerd, Cowper, Piper are just a few of the greater lights that I know of who suffer with 'ministerial depression.'" One of my fellow pastors in Toronto has been really good at helping other pastors who are experiencing depression, because he's been through it himself. I hope you'll find someone you can talk to. Please don't try to deal with it alone. Those of us who are more discouraged than depressed also need to learn to be open about our struggles.
Second, we also need to have some theological discussions. We could all talk about plurality of leadership and the priesthood of all believers, but our models of ministry often emphasize the single charismatic leader who is expected to save the day. Our models of church and pastoral ministry need to become more biblical. We also need to recognize that when it comes to ministry, nobody is competent. Everybody is inadequate. In ministry, as I heard Tim Keller say in an old sermon, "only the inadequate are adequate."
Finally, pastors (and I include myself here) really need to avoid justification by performance. We're not saved by how many people attend or how well we preach, and we certainly are not anyone's savior. As the quote at the top of this blog reads, "You don’t have anything to prove to us or the world. The work is finished at Calvary, and that work has unlimited meaning and value. Keep your focus there" (Jack Miller). We really need to remind ourselves of this on a regular basis.
Tullian quoted this prayer a few weeks ago:
Lord Jesus, though I'm never tempted to look to any other name for my justification, I am very tempted to look to other names and means for my transformation -- worst of all, is when I look to me to be my own savior. But only you, Jesus, are able to save completely those who come to God through you, for you are always living to pray for us and to advocate for us (Heb 7:25). You are my righteousness, holiness and redemption, and that's why I only boast in you today! (1 Cor. 1:30-31)
So I come to you today, Jesus, right now! Save me more fully from my fear of man, my need to be in control, my ticky-tacky pettiness. Save me from trying to be anybody's savior. I want to get irritated far less often and to be spontaneous much more often. I want to "light up" more quickly when I hear your name, Jesus, and not be downcast, when I don't hear my name.
That's a prayer I need to pray more often.
Any other suggestions?
Reader Comments (13)
"Finally, pastors (and I include myself here) really need to avoid justification by performance. "This is the key. Good article, Darryl. Thanks.
Darryl, I think a lot of it has to do with how the pastor as the "branch" is connected to the Jesus as the "vine"I love what Andrew Murray says in his little book "Absolute Surrender", he says this,"Everything depends on our being right ourselves in Christ. If I want good apples, I must have a good apple tree; and if I care for the health of the apple tree, the apple tree will give me good apples. And it is just so with our Christian life and work. If our life with Christ be right, all will come right."He then goes on to talk about what that life looks like if the branch is properly connected to the vine as it pertains to Christian workers. It is a life that is characterized by absolute dependence, deep restfulness, much fruitfulness, close communion, and finally, absolute surrender.I love that, it has been such an encouragement to know that if I am connected rightly to the vine I can say with Paul , "And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory."The more I understand that Christ lives in me, the more I surrender to Him, the more I get filled and then what you term the "low-grade sense of ministerial failure" turns in to the "high-grade sense of His being my all in all."To Him be the glory!!
"pastors (and I include myself here) really need to avoid justification by performance. We’re not saved by how many people attend or how well we preach, and we certainly are not anyone’s savior."That's true Daryl and we need to constantly pound it in. We need to pound it in with the Scriptures that say such things because - and this is where much of the depression comes from - there are those who are willing to tell pastors that their worth is marked by their performance.The skill required is to hear the Scriptures more than the voices in us and around us. We are prone to believe the performance nonsense and when there are others willing to reinforce it, it demands much to hear the truth.Also, I think we need to realize that for some, the fact that they get up Tuesday morning and go right back at the work God has called them to is a statement that they are doing better then they think. They do not give in to the thoughts and feelings of failure and pain. They press on through it and that shows a greater strength than those who don't have to struggle against themselves. William Cowper standing on a bridge to jump and then not doing it shows more faith than the man who is full of self confidence and never even thinks of doing such a thing.
Hi Darryl, I have heard so much about the Monday blues for Pastors. My pre-decessor advised me never to quit on a Monday and warned about the crash that I would experience once I was in his role. I am the Lead Pastor and preach most Sundays (and before that I taught weekly bible classes for about 12 years) but I have to say that I don't get the Monday blues at all. I do sense the ebb and flow, that weekly rhyhm as everything builds up to a Sunday and where every Monday is back to square zero - a new start. But far from depressing, I consider each Monday just that - a new start. Some Sundays are a home run, others are a flop - either way, next week is a brand new week. I personally take Mondays off - to cleanse my palate between church weeks - and I love Mondays. I go to the gym, I read, I intentionally waste time, I try not to meet with people or spend too much time on the computer (today must be an exception :) - it is my quiet day and it is a great day for me. I agree with George's comment above - as long as it is about me and my performance - failure is inevitable. As long as I am just an empty glove waiting for Christ to fill me and do his work - personal "failure" cannot really come into play. ...but I could be wrong...ask me in 20 years, grace & peace, Ingrid
Perhaps a contemplative approach to God and faith would be of asset to those who Pastor. As both George and Ingrid point to, self attachments sound to be as much a part of the problem as the character and quality of the ministry itself.The works of Thomas Murton, St. John of the Cross or St. Theresa of Avila might offer insight. My intuition is that pastors, by nature of what they do are called to a level of holiness, through relationship, that exceeds the understanding and experience of those to whom they minister.
Great comments.I have one caution. A pastor friend of mine went through a severe period of depression. At first he diagnosed it as a spiritual problem. Things only got worse. He came to realize that his depression had a physical component, and he went under a doctor's care and became gradually became better. This also took away some of the guilt that he wasn't spiritual enough to avoid depression.Not all depression and discouragement is due to a lack of abiding in Christ. Probably a lot is due to this, but some can be attributed to other causes. If a pastor is experiencing clinical depression, we need to be careful not to make him feel that he has failed spiritually.By the way, I was really encouraged to hear Haddon Robinson say that discouragement is part of preaching. Even as we abide, we'll likely be a bit depleted and discouraged at times.
Yes, Darryl certainly a very wise and prudent qualification with regard to clinical depression.
Thank you for a timely blog. Lately, I have come to dread Monday mornings because all the stats from the weekend hit my desk: attendance, giving, comment cards and prayer concern cards. After 20 plus years on the job, I've come to find Mondays a pretty desolate place. Good to remember that I am not alone in this feeling. Also reminds me that I should take my District Superintendent advise and arrange for my long overdue and first ever sabbatical leave. Let's keep this conversation going.
This article was suggested to me by a friend. Thank you for writing it - we do need to talk about this issue more.I think that the spouses of those in ministry have a role to play. My husband is a Youth Director, and often on the drive home from our regular meeting he talks about how he feels he has failed that night. Its my place to encourage him (not falsely) about the night. I point out what went really well and some of the small joys of the evening. I also try to encourage him about where he might be able to improve and where we might be able to make some positive changes. For any person who is married to someone in vocational ministry, I think its important to truly be a partner. A big part of the "job" is to encourage our spouses. I consider it a blessing to share the burden of ministry with my spouse.Sometimes this is easier said than done, and spouses can become burnt out by ministry as well. So it is equally important to have support outside of your marriage from people with whom you can be brutally honest.
I'll take a whack at it Shelley. Does your denomination offer an ongoing spiritual/retreat type program for it's ministers? (Is that what you imply by the term sabbatical leave?) Does it have a Charasmatic component to it's ministry?Perhaps a more frequent spiritual infilling could be one answer to the problem of pastor burn out.
Sorry about the spelling, Shelly.
Single biggest thing is that we need to talk about it. Even if the nature is material, the Deceiver is going to add a spiritual component to the problem by convincing us we can't talk about it, that it's a shameful problem, that people will stop loving us if they know the truth, and so on.The protestant church has developed a serious denial of problems. We - clergy and laity - think we can't talk about what's wrong in our lives because we fear being judged by one another so much. At some point, we need to learn to start sharing honestly so that we can hold one another up. This alone might not solve all the problems, but will go a long way toward opportunity for healing.
A friend emailed me to say thanks for posting a link here. He is a Pastor in Toronto and he and a couple of his friends found your post very thought-provoking. Thought you might like to know. Grace and peace, David