The gift of sex

It's amazing that God has created us to be sexual beings, made sex so wonderful and powerful, and given us sanction to enjoy it, and yet we're so slow to even talk about it. One of the books in the Bible is even a celebration of this gift, if you can dare to read it. Some aren't, so they say the book is really about Christ's love for the church. Yeah, right. The only time you hear about sex in most churches is when someone has fallen. We don't know what to do about it. I'm convinced of a few things - that sex is a gift, that we are all sexually broken, that our secrecy about sex is not helping. I'm convinced we need to celebrate the goodness of sex so we're not so drawn to the dark underside and all the guilt that goes with it. I've sat with a couple of friends lately and heard stories of their sexual brokenness. In one case, I've heard a story of restoration, confession, and hope. In another case, I've heard a desire expressed that the struggle remained private, that nobody would have known. I heard anything but a story of healing. I don't know what the answer is exactly, but I think it's probably about celebrating the gift a little more, and refusing to keep our struggles with the dark underside - a struggle we all have in common in one way or another - such a secret. That would be a good start anyway.

Comments

[keith page]

Based on what I've seen in the churches I've served in or led, we're pretty unprepared for the questions, challenges, and heart aches headed our way. I liken it to a hunter going out to hunt grizzly with a bb gun - it's not going to be pretty. And not only do these questions, challenges and heart aches deserve our discussion and our care, but shouldn't we have some pretty good input on helping people out of the mess they're in? Yet so often all we ever give people are blank stares (at one level) or "just get some accountability around you" (at the other level). I see problems with both of those responses. The blank stare is the, "oh crap, they've asked a really intelligent question and I feel really lame because I don't have anything relevant or helpful to share". That's a problem... And the other response is simply the one comment we learn to say so we don't have to have the blank stare on our face all the same. Sad but true... I've had the blank stare on my face before. I've said the, 'just get some accountability' statement before as well I've done youth ministry, gen-X ministry, and church planting over my 15 years invovled in full time ministry. No one ever gave me a good answer in dealing with lust, sexual brokenness, fantasy, etc. I needed answers and didn't have them. And I pastored many who needed answers and I didn't have them. I'm not blaming anyone, maybe except myself, but finally I got an answer. Unfortunately it came at a high price and found its way into my life through my own jounrney of brokenness and immorality. I was leading a large, growing church in Southern CA. I fell into an affair that last two and half months. I confessed to my wife and leadership and resigned. Total darkness. But it was there that Jesus could show up full of mercy and grace. It's been three years. Much has happened. The healing has begun. My wife and I renewed our wedding vows. God has birthed in us a passion for leaders and pastors who struggle, fall, crash and burn. We work with all kinds of folks - men, women, single, married. Pastors, leaders, teachers, business people, and more. I'm seeing God do something very fantastic. I call it, 'sneaking the gospel back into the church'. He's doing it through the broken and wounded in our world - many of whom find their recovery taking place in the context of the fellowship of the spirit. These are non-religious gatherings of broken men and women who come together on a regular basis around a common area of woundedness and share their experience, strength, and hope with one another. And God is in their midst. We refer many of those we work with to groups just like that. And the healing happens. For info on what we're up to check us out at www.rockbottomministry.com. Thanks for providing a place to talk about this topic.

[ed]

Wow, thanks for sharing Keith. It's unfortunate that it often takes failure in an area before the church starts even talking about it - never mind being the grace giving - love showing place we're called to be. God bless you in your ministry - I think one of the ways to any likeness of health in this area is for those of us who've been through the mess to not staying quiet about it. There's nothing to hide in Christ. We need to show our pastors and our people that it's in sharing that freedom and reconcilliation can happen. The church needs to be #1 place where that happens. but it's going to take some courageous people to lead into that territory. Keep up what you're doing.

[Liesa]

I must agree with this... being one who has sexual issues, I can relate entirely. Keeping it secret doesn't help one little bit, but who wants to listen to someone talk about their problems with being sexually free? No one I know anyways.

[Darryl]

Keith: Sorry for not reading your comment sooner. I've been up to my neck in funerals this week, and I'm just catching up now. Your story is an amazing one of grace found at the very bottom. Thanks for sharing it. Your ministry is needed. Liesa: I don't have the answers, but I hope that we can start to create safe places where people can share their struggles - appropriately, of course. I wish I knew more about how to make this happen.

[Liesa]

Darryl, I think you have found the building blocks already.