Listen first

One of the things I've had to learn the hard way is to not edit other people when they're upset. I want to tell them that they're not expressing themselves appropriately or to make suggestions, when sometimes all I should do is listen. Then, later, when they truly feel that they've been heard, we can talk about what was expressed. Sometimes this is soon after. Sometimes it takes days. There have sometimes been serious issues that needed to be addressed, but the time to do this is often not in the heat of the discussion. I've been thinking about this over the past few days. The hurt that people express is real, even if some of us don't completely understand it and even if it's expressed harshly. Eventually we always get to the point when we can talk about it, but I always have to remind myself - listen first, refuse to edit others, even when they're angry. Especially when they're angry.

Comments

[Lisa]

Great principles to live by. Hard, though. But whoever said the good stuff comes easy? Peace & blessings

[Char]

I love knowing that you learned to live this before you wrote it. Your first response, your inner wiring, is to call for tone/grace and God uses that response over and over again. It's great to see you stretching into your uncomfortable zone yet again.

[ed]

Here's my struggle, I'm all for hearing others and try to do that - but is there a time when someone is wrong (that could be us/not others necessarily) and need to be told so, confronted? Maybe we jump to the first reaction too quick (not listening), but does that negate the need for the second? I think two of the problems in the church are just that...1. an unwillingness to really listen to each other. 2. an unwillingness to "properly" dialogue (even confront). Ie. when our arguments become more important to us than the relationships. I realize you're probably addressing more of the first in your post, but sometimes, in our wanting to always listen, we need to tell someone, "you know what, that was inappropriate." When done in love and carefully, with respect, it usually, not always, yields good results. I guess the point is, both are good, at the right time, in the right way. Maybe we all lean more to one or the other, doing both, properly, is what I find really hard. Okay, I'm rambling now...

[Darryl]

I think it's a matter of timing. To correct or edit before understanding is a recipe for disaster. Before someone is prepared to hear a rebuke, they first need to know that they've been heard, and more importantly, I care. I don't think we should ever hold back in saying the hard things that need to be said. But it all starts with letting the person express themselves honestly and to be heard. I continue to be amazed that God allows us to do this with him.

[ed]

Agreed! And so true! I still think you're a heretic. But a growing heretic is a good thing :) Later bud... ed

[May]

i definitely agreed with you on this one....there's no doubt about that.....