Thursday
Oct212004
Safe enough to fail without getting fired
Thursday, October 21, 2004 at 7:31PM
Fellowship pastors in Toronto get together occasionally for lunch and a talk. Today, we met in Markham and talked about sexual issues and pastors. One pastor talked about his experience in this area, and gave some suggestions about how to deal with the issue. One guy cut to the heart of the issue. If a pastor is struggling in this area, who does he turn to? In most situations, admitting failure means automatic dismissal. Where is the line? What is safe to admit? I don't want to reopen the debate from a month ago, but this seems to be the heart of the issue, at least in practical terms. There's not enough room to admit failure. Personally, I'm encouraged that more pastors are discussing this, especially in a conservative circle like mine. I hope we can make more room for pastors to admit not just struggling but also failure. Although many of you disagreed with me, I think that failure in some areas should be handled differently. Some failures will have a greater effect. Some failures will lead to a loss of employment, and that's not always wrong. Other failures will have a smaller effect. I hope we can get to the point in which a pastor can admit, for example, to having viewed Internet pornography, and be counseled and restored without necessarily being fired. We're not there yet, at least in the Fellowship, but I can dream.
Reader Comments (11)
A couple of years ago, Wendy got in trouble for a picture she had of herself on her blog and a link she had to a post by Dooce on farting in a public washroom. My church was "concerned" despite by the fact that she had warn the shirt at church. After getting some advice from other pastors and my mentors, we just let it die but it did lead to some fascinating discussions that in the evangelical church, we still can't talk about sex or even be attractive. Some of the harshest comments I have heard about attractive women have come from people in the church to describe them. With that kind of mentality, is it hard to believe that pastors can't talk about being human in that regard with anyone. As Tony Campolo said in a sermon, "Really the only difference between me and Jim Bakker is that I didn
I here you but what also concerns me is that there's likely a number of Pastors who cheat on their wifes and get away with it. It seems that they all admit it AFTER they get caught...there must be some who never get caught. Jacob.
Why don't we stick to a safe issue like business? :)
Why is it that this is referred to as sexual issues and failures. Is the word sin ever used anymore?
George: I'm okay calling it sin if you like. I'm not sure it's any better; there's all sorts of Biblical language that will work.
Maybe some pastors wives aren't beautifying themselves the way they should too. Not that it's ever an excuse but maybe they're not satisfying their husbands the way they should.
Ouch!!
Ladies, men don't stray from their wives because their wives aren't beautiful...they stray because of the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes - as do women who stray...It's a heart matter, the heart focusing away from God and onto the flesh. I'm not saying don't make an effort, but don't demean yourself by taking the rap for it,,,
Touche Lori. Maybe pastors wives can be part of the discussion by talking to their partners and their counterparts. So, Trish, are you married?
My wife, who works for our church, had an affair with my pastor for a month and a half. Serious damage to our marriage. We decided to go this "total restoration" route, involving: telling no one about the affair, the pastor seeing a counselor (but not stepping down from ministry) and my wife continuing to work under him at the church. It failed. I just found out that these familiar temptations were too great and that the affair has continued. Now, I am insisting we leave the church (and the job.) This whole thing has been a mess. I know we are to forgive our brother 7x77 times and our pastor is "a brother" ... but, I don't know if I should speak-up and have him forced (by the denomination) to step down from ministry, or if I should just leave this church and, potentially, allow him to hurt others in this way!! For the purposes of this discussion... May I propose that, if the sin committed involves hurting (or sinning against) the flock, that the pastor at least step down for "a while?" Or is that un-graceful and un-Christ-like? I truly don't know anymore!
Anon: I'm really sorry to read about what you've been through. While I believe that pastors need to be able to deal with some failures without having to resign, I completely agree with you. If a pastor has an affair, especially with someone in the congregation, then it's time to step down. This can be done with compassion and care, including some financial help. Unfortunately it's all too common. Praying for you today.